I Wanna Sex You Up
5 minute read
Let’s talk about sex baby. No really, let’s talk about it. You would imagine that in the 21st the shame, embarrassment, and shyness around sex would have waned somewhat but no, it’s still here and some people are still as morto as ever talking about what goes on in the bedroom (or kitchen or bathroom – you do you, honey).
There is a cohort of people who are actively working to break those taboos and chief among them is Gwyneth Paltrow. Now, superstar Gwynnie has an interesting track record when it comes to vaginas. There were her claims about vaginal steaming (I’d still rather get a facial), her egg-shaped kegel exercisers (Goop had to pay a fine about the claims they made around them), and her famous This Smells Like My Vagina candle – which sold out.
But now she’s turning her attention to the conversation around sex, and whatever you think of her extortionate vibrators and exploding vagina candles (seriously look it up), this can only be a good thing.
Her new Netflix show is called Sex, Love and Goop and features couples of all ages working through issues they have around intimacy.
Gwyneth spoke to Ellen DeGeneres about why she focussed her new show around the subject.
“We don’t have a lot of models for how true communication, vulnerable, honest communication happens between couples talking about or thinking about sex. Couples are always saying oh we’re great at the dinner party when that’s not the case - there’s always something going on.
We did a show called the Goop Lab and it was on different topics and the most popular episode was called The Pleasure is Ours and it was really about exploring female pleasure. We pushed a lot of boundaries with that show and so when we came to make season two, we all kind of brainstormed and we thought, you know, it's really interesting actually, because in the realm of your intimate relationship is it's kind of a microcosm for everything in your life and it's really an interesting area to unpack. So many couples have so much friction in that area. So many couples are like, I love him so much, but we're totally a mismatch sexually and we thought it was a fascinating subject. And you know, we got these amazing couples who are so brave and come to the table and are just willing to try kind of anything in order to heal their relationship.
“People probably need to focus on that communication because you can start to really unpack problems when you have brave communication with your partner and if you have loved them enough to marry them, I think it's worth risking that vulnerability to be really honest about what you want and what you need and what you like or don't like.”
There are definitely some less than traditional elements to the show but what is refreshing is that included in the featured couples are an older duo. Jackpot! Not only is this a TV show about communicating about sex, but it is actively showing that sex does not have to stop when you reach a certain age.
Menopause doesn’t mean that your genitals suddenly disappear and you are left with a moulded undercarriage à la Barbie!
If you google “sex after menopause” you are hit with academic article after academic article about vaginal atrophy, low libido and more. There is very little positivity around the subject. So it seems that while we’re not talking about menopause enough, we’re not talking about sex and menopause AT ALL.
Here in Ireland, one woman who is working hard to open up the subject of sex is Jenny Keane. She is a holistic sex educator and sexual wellness coach. She runs online workshops on a whole range of sexual topics and recently her Instagram account was under threat of being revoked for adult content. But thanks to the support of her followers and community she has officially been recognised as an educator and her profile is safe. It seems reductive that a platform as big as Instagram can’t differentiate between pornography and education, but we all know that there are bigger problems in the Metaverse than just that.
Jenny recently spoke to Niamh Maher on the Her.ie podcast about the need for good sex education.
“The thing about education is that regardless of where you are, whether you've never had an orgasm or whether you consider yourself to be multi-orgasmic, it gives what is happening in your body context. It’s about learning how to move from, I suppose, from goal-oriented sex or performative-based sex to discovery and exploration. But I think even before that, understanding your sexuality is really about a reclamation first, taking back what is and always has been yours.”
She also spoke about Sex, Love and Goop and about the experts that they have utilised in the show. It turns out Gwyneth has excellent taste in sex educators, one of the show’s facilitators, intimacy expert Micheala Boehm was one of Jenny’s mentors when it came to learning how to hold space for women and women's circles.
Anyone who remembers their own school-based sex education or has a teen who has come through it recently will know that we still have a long way to go in their country. Shows like Sex, Love and Goop, educators like Jenny Keane, and a more open and honest conversation about good sex after menopause will hopefully help us all to enjoy ourselves more wholly and happily for years to come.
Jennifer Stevens, October 2021
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