The Power of Small

5 minute read

Is there anything more annoying than someone telling you that you should ‘take a bath’ or ‘light a candle’ when you’re mid-meltdown? The term ‘self-care’, while something I do truly believe in, equally irritates the crap out of me. The sheer zeitgeisty-ness of the phrase has resulted in it being bandied about like a cheap knock-off perfume.

It’s vague, a bit wishy-washy, and co-opted by marketeers for mass consumerism. Type it into Instagram and you’ll get a lot of pouty-lipped women doing yoga poses, having bubble baths, watching sunsets in bikinis and proudly displaying their gluten-free, plant-based breakfast smoothies. No amount of bath bombs or plant-based smoothies will change certain things in life and yet, it has a Platonic pedigree and very real purpose, especially when you look beyond the bath bombs, and whatever else the wellness industry spins, to things that are not necessarily based on consumerism, and if you take the idea of self-care and reframe it into something more digestible.

Life can be hard, but we often make it harder – at least I do – than it needs to be by setting unrealistic goals. It’s not necessarily a conscious decision but it’s become a default setting made worse by a world that complicates things; the overload has increased and we’re rising frantically to meet that demand. It’s a hustle culture in which we’re struggling to stay afloat and somewhere in that hustle I’m trying to find a way to unplug and simplify things.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to work with former Olympian David Gillick on his book Back on Track. In it he delves deep into his life as an athlete, his subsequent depression after an injury forced him into early retirement, and how he crawled his way back. I found that most of us, like David, set ourselves big goals which we try to tackle all at once because we want instant results and invariably end up failing.

Too often, we convince ourselves that huge success or happiness requires huge action. We come out guns blazing and a couple of days later, retreat with our tails between our legs because our expectations were too high. “You can’t eat an elephant in one bite,” was one of his favourite mantras and has since become one of mine. The very idea of breaking down that big task into smaller bites is far less overwhelming and thus more achievable. Not to mention the relief of having dropped the fantasy that our lives will one day be perfect or problem-free, but that real change can happen gradually without all that pressure on ourselves.

To put a positive and realistic spin on it, every error, flaw, failure or mistake is, in fact, a marginal gain in disguise.

In sport, the practice of marginal gains has delivered world-beating performances. David Brailsford, former director of British Cycling, revolutionised the sport using that very theory. He believed that if you make a one per cent improvement in a host of tiny areas, the cumulative benefits would be extraordinary.

The British Cycling team went from virtually medal-less to winning 16 gold medals in the Beijing Olympics and two Tour de France winners in less than five years. Their success came from the idea that if you broke down everything you could think of that goes into riding a bike, and then improved it by one per cent, you will get a significant increase when you put them all together. The aggregation of small incremental changes starts to impact your life over time so that every positive action that you take or negative action that you avoid is like money in the bank for your future self.

It works because these small changes don’t drastically change your day-to-day but over time, add up to more significant changes that are likely to last the distance. There’s no Tour de France on the agenda here but in a bid to practice more ‘self-care’ in the midst of my very hectic life I decided to implement some micro-actions in order to gain some macro effect. No bath bombs or plant-based smoothies (although I really have nothing against either) but instead a series of really simple, small changes that have proved to be life-changing and mood-altering. I chose easily-digestible tasks and I made it so easy that I couldn’t say no, to myself.

I threw out my grey underwear – it’s amazing how fresh, new lingerie can instantly change how you feel about yourself. The sock drawer is next.

I go for a walk without my phone – it takes 20 seconds for a positive experience to be registered in your brain, so stop and take it all in.

I started jogging, slowly – I used to sprint in school but was never a jogger. In fact, I would say I really hated jogging, until recently, when I signed up for a 10k run and freaked myself out for a good three months. I began running for one minute and walking for two. I did this every few days, building up the number of minutes until I ran the full 10k, without passing out. Hurrah.

I set my alarm for half-an-hour earlier – this was a game-changer for me. I fit in some exercise or catch up on emails and feel more relaxed starting my day.

I’m extra polite to rude strangers – try it, it’s oddly satisfying.

I read a magazine from cover to cover – this doesn’t happen that often and is regularly interrupted but when it does, it feels like I’ve really taken some time out for myself.

I do have a bath, every week (without bath bombs) – and sometimes with a glass of wine

I don’t buy takeout tea or coffee and instead, put the money into a jar and use it at the end of the week. Admittedly, it’s usually for wine but it still counts as saving, right?

I make breakfast, fill the dishwasher, fold the clothes to my favourite playlist – often interrupted by the kids’ favourite tune ‘there’s a cat flushing the toilet’ but it’s still a few minutes of mum singing to herself in the kitchen.

I’m learning to nap – admittedly this took me some time to achieve, and being honest, I’m still not great at it but setting your alarm takes the pressure off and just resting is a luxury these days.

I leave a tube of lovely hand cream by my bed – which I try to remember to apply each night.
I declare an end to the day at a reasonable time – this one is still a work in progress (I’m writing this at 10pm!).

I’m eating that elephant nibble by nibble.

Orla Neligan, October 2022