9 minute read

Ciara’s is a well-known face on TV, film and stage. A formally trained actress, she now also teaches her craft at Trinity College, Dublin. Here she shares her life in midlife with us…

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Strong, Intuitive, Positive.

What is on your mind most these days?

I have lost a lot of friends and my lovely uncle in the last two years, all too young and too soon, which has me thinking about life and death, what we leave behind and the fact that there is no promise of tomorrow….

What is the last thing that you said no to?

A role in a play, I am able to trust my gut and know when a role is for me or not. When I was younger I really thought I had to play every part that came my way but thankfully, experience in both my life and career has helped me appreciate to never argue with a hunch and trust my instinct.

What is the last thing you said yes to?

A boat trip with my entire family on Dingle bay, we were all there to celebrate my folks’ 50th wedding Anniversary and despite the bad forecast I jumped on board, and wow was it worth it! The sun shone the sea was calm and we shared a very special afternoon together. Making memories with family is probably my favourite thing.

How old are you?

49.

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

I grew up loving the arts and immersed myself in that world from a very young age I had everyone tormented putting on shows! To pursue performance as a career was more of a calling I couldn’t ignore. I am grateful that I get to do what I love.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Godmother, niece, dancer, waitress, Ambassador for CARI (children at risk Ireland), teaching fellow (Trinity college), actress, voice-over artist, director, Step Mum, partner.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

I am the eldest of three. I think it's inevitable the eldest will always have more responsibility and being the firstborn I believe our parents are learning to parent, I suppose it means I’m the guinea pig, so yes I would say it had an influence. I had to break all the rules for the others, we are extremely close, and it’s a compliment that my younger brother and sister still come to me for advice.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

That really is a huge question and one I know we all ask of ourselves so much and to be honest at the beginning of my forties I did ask myself this too often and never really found it beneficial. I try not to go down that road now and to live in the present as best I can. I believe the pandemic we are all living through has put things in perspective. I’m healthy, have a wonderful family, great friends, a loving partner and two beautiful step-daughters everything else is a bonus really.

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

Best- It’s not what happens to you in life but how you react that matters.

Worst- What goes around comes around…I wish this was the case but unfortunately, it is not, there are a lot of bad eggs out there getting away with it all the time.

What does midlife feel like to you?

I have never put too much thought into my age and have casually moved from one year to the next but midlife for women particularly has a nasty habit of whacking you in the head and body! All the changes our bodies and hormones are going through are hard to ignore. I try my best to live life to the full but have learned to accept that there are some days where I just need to take it easy and that’s ok too. I feel very grateful to be going through midlife today, where women talk to each other and share their frustrations. Can you imagine how tough it was for our grandmothers’ generation?

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? What is it? Are you going to do it?

Yes, I would love to start directing again but this time for screen, I’d love the opportunity to direct for TV or film and am certainly looking to pursue it, I have so much experience of being on set and know that would be of huge benefit.

I’m also very tempted to explore an entirely different path, I’m still not clear as to what that will be but certainly, I’m open to discovering what that is. I want to collaborate with others and be part of a team….

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?

My 50th birthday is in the summer and has really got me thinking and certainly made me more reflective about where I am in life and more importantly where I am going. I do feel I am at a certain crossroads, I do have so much more I want to explore and certainly feel ready to try new things.

Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking in midlife?

Both!! It really does depend on any given day, for example at the beginning of the pandemic when all of my work was either postponed or cancelled overnight I felt very blocked creatively, after the initial free-fall and realisation of what we were all embarking on I began to find my creativity again but some days I really struggled and had to let that sit for a while, not beat myself up over it.

*Ciara on the set of Harry Wild with Jane Seymour, which is coming out this year.*

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

We need to support each other and be kind to each other, I’ve seen a lot of female bullies over the years so yeah I think we can pull together a lot more. Be kind and don’t be so quick to judge.

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

Procrastination!!! I’m a divil for it!

I am ridiculously indecisive and as a result, I spend too much time thinking about making a decision and not enough time making them!

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

I love to dance anywhere, anytime it makes me so happy, I walk every day it clears my head and gives me energy. I started Pilates in the early ’90s and have been doing it on and off ever since, in the last two years I have started combining it with resistance work to help strengthen my bones (I discovered I have osteopenia) there’s that midlife reminder again!!!

I love a good laugh and surround myself with people who enjoy a good laugh too and don’t take themselves too seriously.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

Trying to please others all of the time and not having to say yes to everything, stretching myself too thin. There is wonderful comfort in being able to say no and accepting myself for who I am.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

Trying to keep up with technology, I feel like I was born in the wrong century and wish we could slow it all down a bit. I’m much happier with my pen and paper and still work from an old school diary. I can just about use Instagram and don’t get me started on Tik Tok!

Do you sleep well?

Yes, I love my sleep. Often there is a lot of hanging around on set and we can work strange hours so I learned how to power nap very early on. I could sleep on a clothesline!

Do you take any supplements or HRT?

Yes, I take the lot. HRT has been life-changing for me.

What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

Try as much as possible to be yourself and trust your gut; it’ll never let you down. Embrace every moment to have fun and be with people who make you laugh. Travel. Oh and book an AMH test in your early twenties, they didn’t exist in my day but if you want to have children someday do yourself a favour and check in with your eggs.

Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?

Absolutely, many times but thankfully with the support of my wonderful family and friends I have never been lost for too long. I’m very resilient.

What do you love about yourself?

My strength and ability to manage to dust myself off and start again, believe me in my industry this helps hugely.

When do you feel truly alive?

In, on, or by the sea.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

Getting this far… it’s been a winding, challenging road at times but I’m here and feel very proud of that.

What was a major turning point in your life?

Learning I could not have children of my own, I have learned to live with it as opposed to accepting it, I had to for my own sanity.

What are you looking forward to?

Turning 50.

Are you a good friend?

I hope so, you’d have to ask them.

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

In nature, the sky, the sounds, the sea, the tress. It's all around us if we just take a few moments to breathe it all in.

Any regrets?

I try not to have regrets, I think it can be very damaging. Yes, there are things and situations in hindsight I could have handled better but I try to learn from these as opposed to feeling regret.

What are you afraid of?

Rats!

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Family, love with a huge dollop of friendship and fun, health.

Favourite book, and why?

I devour books, I love to read and couldn’t possibly pick a favourite, I’ve just finished Seven days In June by Tia Williams and I absolutely loved it.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

As above I couldn’t possibly choose one piece. I listen to all sorts of music from every genre. Music is hugely important to me and a constant in my life. My Spotify lists have a bit of everything.

Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)

I have lost too many friends and my dear Uncle all to cancer and all in the last two and a half years so there have been a lot of tears, life can be cruel and cancer is a fucker.

What are your feelings on this new Covid world we find ourselves in now?

Like everyone, I have had a good long look at my life values, a good honest look at life and what is important. There are certain things not worth going back to.

Are you fulfilled?

I think I will always strive to do more, so can’t imagine being ever truly fulfilled, but in my opinion that’s a positive, it keeps me ticking and very much alive.

Ellie Balfe talks to Ciara O’Callaghan, January 2022.