Skin-care or Soul-care?

5 minute read

My skin is my Achilles heel. While my clothes make me feel confident and capable, my skin can reduce me to a diffident no-hoper in a heartbeat. Once a spotty teenager, always a spotty teenager, I suppose. While I’ve been able to manage my acne over the years with medication, scarring, rosacea, dark circles and hyperpigmentation are just some of the conditions that have dogged me in my 30s and 40s. Until recently it didn’t matter too much because my office-based positions always required I look well-put-together and nicely groomed, and it’s easy to forget what’s beneath this facade when you’re on the hamster wheel of 9-5. But the last 18 months have been challenging because I’ve had to retire so much of my wardrobe, while simultaneously wearing very little make-up.

I work from home full-time now and enjoy it enough to want to continue this way in the long term. So I’m evolving my wardrobe to fit in with this new normal, and after one too many days of seeing my not-very-fresh, makeup-free face staring back at me, I decided that it was time to rethink my skincare too, because it’s not enough now to only feel good when I’m in full armour. Brené Brown speaks often about shedding the armour we use to self-protect. She explains: “The goal is to create spaces where armour is neither necessary nor rewarded.” In truth, I’m not fully sure what this means in my own context, but I like the idea of these “spaces” and I fully agree with her that armour can start to weigh heavily on us the older we are. I think I’m having a quintessential midlife moment too – the shaking off of artifice, the seeking of self-acceptance, the parking of perfectionist ideals.

But I am what you might call a beauty ingenue, so I had no idea how or where to find the advice and products I needed to tackle not only my ongoing skin issues, but the recent dryness that was causing my makeup to cake badly. When you rely on concealer as much as I do, discovering that it suddenly won’t apply is like being sent outside stripped naked. So I made an appointment with a dermatologist, hoping she could help calm my skin and my insecurities. I was especially concerned with the dark circles under my eyes, which have been a steady source of stress over the years, but which in recent months appeared more pronounced than ever.

But as it turns out, my dark circles are not, in fact, dark circles. They’re not even tear troughs. They are, in fact, great big bloody eye bags. In fairness, the dermatologist didn’t use the word bloody, or great, or big, but this was the impression I was left with after she explained to me that they could only be removed through surgery. Surgery. Wow. The word sent my mind into a tailspin as I floundered with where a woman draws the line between self-acceptance and making the best of herself; where I wanted to draw this line, because for each one of us it’s different.

I spoke to a friend, who happens to be something of an expert, the next day and she advised that before I considered any invasive treatments, I needed to find the correct products for my midlife skin. She sent me to try a Biologique Recherche facial at Skin Passion by Natalie in Greystones. I have only ever had two other facials in my life. Facials intimidate me because they involve being makeup-free, which I fear; I have also never for a second believed they will make any difference to the scourge that is my skin, in the immediate or long term; plus, I hate how I look after them: inflamed, red, oily...uhhh.

But I went with an open mind because I trust this friend’s opinion. Worst case scenario, I thought, I get to lie down for an hour without having to think about, or do, anything. Sometimes that’s worth spending €90 on. When I arrived and Natalie began to explain the process to me, I was intrigued by the idea of a wholly personalised facial – this is what distinguishes Biologique Recherche from other skincare brands. My skin is certainly a law unto itself, so something targeted sounded positive, and refreshing – we can’t all be boxed into one of three or four generic facial categories. It occurred to me that perhaps this is why those other facials hadn’t had any impact; because they weren’t designed for the needs of my particularly tricky skin type.

Every product Natalie used on my face was chosen based entirely on the nuances of my complexion. She softly explained the application process as we went along, so that I could replicate it myself at home, and created a beautifully mindful atmosphere that left me feeling informed as well as restored. After an hour of prepping and cleansing, moisturising and massaging, and before I moved from the treatment bed, Natalie gave me a hand mirror to view the fruits of her labour.

I took it. I opened my eyes, and...I smiled. I looked...well...lovely. I’ve never said that about my naked face before. My skin was dewy, not oily, even-toned rather than ruddy and raw. The bags under my eyes had softened significantly. Suddenly I thought they gave my face character rather than harrowing it of any vitality. My skin appeared soothed of all its irritation, like a baby with a teething ring. Natalie showed me, and talked me through, each of my custom products after the facial, taking time to answer questions and offer reassurances. I bought each one of the Biologique products she had used to create my bespoke facial, and I left the salon having never felt better about myself.

I have gone makeup-free several days since then, which was mid-July. I’ve also followed the four-step skincare routine Natalie advised me to embrace every morning and every evening. It’s become a twice-daily routine that I relish. It takes time – about ten minutes – and maybe that’s why I enjoy it so much, because it’s ritualistic. There’s a methodology to it, there are motions and movements that almost hypnotise me for those ten precious me-time minutes. This is not a wash and go approach to skincare. It’s about taking time, alone, to focus on nothing but yourself. This is more than skincare, this is emotional wellbeing.

I won’t pretend that I love how my skin looks every day now, because I don’t, but I find I’m far less critical of my complexion than I was three months ago. My skin has never looked so hydrated or felt so soft. Every beauty product I place on top of my Biologique Recherche skincare blends easily and beautifully. And even when I do go for a full face of makeup now, I find I’m using much less product, which makes me feel fresher, brighter-eyed and more youthful.

Now that I’m in my 40s, I know enough about my complexion to understand that my skincare journey is going to involve lifelong highs and lows. But in the same way that every outfit needs the correct foundation garments, so too my skin needed the right support products, and I think I’ve finally found them. Certainly, for now, this is where I’m drawing my line.

Marie Kelly, September 2021