8 minute read

Wellness and Wellbeing. What do those words mean to you? Can you define them? Can you quantify them? Are they emotional, spiritual, physical, or all of these?

The wellness and wellbeing conversation is at an all-time high, rising, some might say, during the pandemic when we collectively sought solace to help us find ease throughout the fear surrounding us. Many of us reached beyond our regular parameters looking for a sort of peace, a calm, a sense of safety. I know this because I did.

Over the past 10 years, it feels like there has been a leaning out from what was previously conceived as ‘wellness’, which became a bit lifestyle-focused, into a new, more modern understanding of wellbeing. The old way was often about making additions and amendments to your life and doing tangible things - booking a massage or going on a weekend break to a spa - but these are just other things to do - to organise, to attend, they are constructs of sorts within which you would be required to behave a certain way - to be social, or polite, or to feign interest in something that just didn’t really hit the mark. Dare I say it, but the wellness effort of a decade or so ago felt just like that - an effort. Well-meaning and well-intended at its core, of course, but slightly performative, very commercial and inauthentic and off-point for what was required to soothe a distinct need.

Ask any woman squashed beneath a load of overwhelm if what they really, honestly want in order to decompress is to pack a bag and drive to another place to engage in small-talk with strangers and feel as though they are having to behave a certain way, all in the name of ‘having a break’, only then to pack up again and get home to a load of laundry and logistics that fell asunder in their absence? Just feels like more work to me!

This sounds like I am throwing shade at a spa break, I am not - they are wonderful, and even better now than they ever were, but I am merely highlighting that the old lifestyle response to deep stress was sometimes disproportionate and not in tune and that now, having lived through a global pandemic especially, we know more about what our inner needs are. And more importantly, how to tend to them effectively.

Please note, if a spa break is what your soul is calling for, go for your life. Literally. Go for your life. Nobody else’s. And that’s the difference - wellbeing is knowing what it is that you alone need.

What has changed lately, in my observation, is the leaning into what we now know constitutes real, robust wellbeing, and how that is something raw and gutsy - something personal - often private, and deeply, deeply true. It’s not something beyond you to be booked, added to a calendar and a bag packed for, it’s something deep within you - for only you - that’s where the good stuff lies.

The pillars of wellness

It is universally accepted that wellness has a number of pillars that constitute a proposal of personal completion. If they are honoured and tended to, the full self feels well.

The definition long used by the American Wellness Institute is that Wellness is an active process through which people become aware of, and make choices toward, a more successful existence. The pillars of wellness they cite are emotional, occupational, physical, social, intellectual and spiritual. Through the ongoing discussion around what wellness and wellbeing actually are, it is accepted that wellness is a “conscious, self-directed and evolving process of achieving full potential”. It is “multidimensional and holistic, encompassing lifestyle, mental and spiritual wellbeing as well as the environment”. They say also that wellness is “positive and affirming”. So not performative or pressuring, rather, private and personally fulfilling.

Yep, that sounds about right, doesn’t it?

Writer Charles Bukowski said, “if you have the ability to love, love yourself first”, and for me, that sums it up. It’s often said that happiness is an inside job, and the same can be said for self-love. But love for others requires a give and take, a flowing tide going both ways, rising and falling out there in the world, ebbing and flowing with other people. The phrase that says that “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is another key wellness concept (that all working mothers will relate to) that points to the same thing. It has to be you first. Then the others. Wellness analogies are boundless, “put your own seatbelt on first before helping others”. Anyone who has been overwhelmed or overloaded knows it - you are no good if you are empty. The starting point to peace is inside you. Then, after that, you can take it outside you. To share

embrace an Esoteric Nature

Since Covid landed in our lives, all things esoteric are having a moment in wellbeing. Isolation craves connection, and when the physical human contact was restricted for so long, we turned inward. And it did us good.

Meditation apps and online yoga classes are now mainstream. Claims of the healing, heart-opening power of crystals and ceremonial cacao are abundant across social media and within friends WhatsApp groups. Personally speaking, I am fully on board with all of it. I have learned to meditate and began breathwork last year - I do it each morning whilst drinking a cup of cacao and holding Crystals that I feel I was intuitively led to holding. Woo-woo to some, wellbeing to me. I have learned to soothe my nervous system and slow my racing, panicky thoughts and I feel more in tune with who I am at this stage of my life, and in better harmony with the life and people around me. It helps my creativity enormously too - something about clearing the mind allows ideas to flow and my thinking is elevated. As is my mood.

We have collectively turned to nature, feeling, at last, its soothing power, its calming effect on our nervous systems. When we had to stop running we had no choice but to learn to sit, and to sit in silence allows the opportunity to truly connect with ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it can be daunting - most meditation guides help you with how to navigate a flood of thoughts if they threaten to overload you - how to view hard feelings as you do the weather - like clouds in the sky - to take the role of observer, not someone stuck, embroiled and subsumed within it all. All things pass. This is the essence of mindfulness and whether we chose to or not, we are all learning this on some level.

As our health has taken centre stage, supplements have become a vital cornerstone of the new view on wellbeing, especially those that support anxiety and sleep. Both areas requiring support during turbulent times. I began taking CBD daily, as well as adaptogens such as Ashwagandha and nootropics such as Lions Mane to support my cognitive function. I find great benefit in all of these, and to be honest, if for any reason they were revealed as merely snake oil, or placebo, they’ve served me well. I sought them out, researched them and purchased them. These very acts proving to me that I am taking care of myself. These subliminal messages of care matter more than we realise.

Lisa Lane, the founder of WellDoubleL, the West of Ireland based CBD brand, is a great advocate of learning to intuitively tune into what you need at any given time. I asked her how she approaches the inevitable fluctuations of life. She says, “it sounds counterintuitive, but the tougher the time I’m going through (this summer was up there ) the more I support myself. So I don’t wait for things to escalate any further - they will get on their own anyway if that’s the cycle you’re in. I don’t wait for a mysterious chest infection or migraine. I try to pre-empt all of this. I keep it simple. I focus on drinking as much water a day as possible, getting as many steps in as possible, of taking my supplements: CBD every day in microdose and I’m loving moringa at the moment. Some of the power in this is that, of course, it allows to me shift my focus from the negative thing that is happening and lets me believe I have control over my life.”

She says, “the second counterintuitive thing I tend to do is go off the grid. I need to process and digest what’s happening to me for myself before I share it with friends or anyone. There’s something powerful about speaking out loud and if it’s negative I try not to do it.”

Lisa also adds, “I do think people have to assemble a black book or guide for themselves as early as possible. Self-care for maintenance and self-care during crises are two different things. As I get older I care less about makeup and clothes and more about grooming, it’s a very NY approach. I have a great black book filled with amazing women! I regularly go to a facialist, I go see a cord-cutter at least twice a year, to get colonics, I go to EFT and Matrix Reimprinting. Not constantly but consistently. I know what I need and often I will get a little nudge via text “Lisa I think it’s time for …” I trust in the universe that way. The west of Ireland is a magical place.

Trust in the universe, eh? That’s ninja level wellbeing!

How can we be well?

I asked Peigín Crowley, founder of GROUND Wellbeing and a woman who has worked in wellness as a leader and educator in the spa industry for a long time about how she feels about wellness now, as a woman in midlife. She said, “My journey with wellbeing and my greatest learning is that it’s a true connection to the self and is about listening to the body and to yourself and honouring it to make it better and to go on the journey to sustain ourselves. Especially as mothers, we are pulled in all directions”. She said, “I think, before, I used to look at wellness for others and my role was to help them surrender into themselves and connect to themselves and the more I learn and grow in this industry and in this environment where it’s become so important to us, it’s that wellbeing isn’t something ‘you do’.

I used to do ‘my wellbeing’ on a Tuesday at 6pm when I would do yoga or breathwork and that was me ticking a box, but that was isolated and disconnected from me as a whole entity. And now in the last five years, post 40, I understand that it’s much bigger than that, but it’s also a lot easier than that - that it’s about editing out noise and welcoming it into yourself.”

Peigín says, “what I’ve found is that the self is like a radio station that you have to tune into. We all know when we are feeling happy and when we are feeling sad. Feeling ‘well’ is a more difficult radio station to tune into, because it’s subtle and it feels good and it feels like we are putting ourselves first and we’ve connected our physicality and our mind, and you’ve decided to mind them both. And that happens when you meet a nice friend for coffee, or you hear your favourite song, or you have eggs for breakfast and you feel good. It’s when you recognise feeling well and you move into it and you appreciate how subtle and normal it is, and how nice it is, and how grateful you are for it. And you breathe. “

She goes on to say, “breathwork is so important. It is the very essence. Our lungs are the only organ in our body that can be completely controlled by our parasympathetic nervous system and by breathing deeply we can hack our system into rest and digest, where we can tell our body that we are taking care of it and moving into a physical place where your body and mind know you are in a place of self-healing, putting yourself first and honouring yourself.”

Self-compassion, honesty and self-acceptance

Look at the groundswell of love surrounding Charlie Mackesy on Instagram - his characters, the boy, the mole, the fox and the horse have become icons of gentle support and self-acceptance throughout the pandemic particularly. When you read through his simple honest words, it’s impossible not to feel moved. There feels to be no veil, no pretence, no bravado. Just love. One of his most loved sketches says, “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said? asked the boy. Help, said the horse.” This is wellbeing in action and a lesson to us all.

Conor Creighton is an Irish meditation teacher and author of This Is It, one of last year’s best books in my opinion. He is a man who espouses robust and radical self-acceptance in order to be well and have clarity of thought. I asked the question, how can we be well and he said, “ I think, how to be well is to accept you entirely. Our brains are programmed to self-criticise, judge and bully us into feeling disconnected and disempowered, and they leave us with this innate sense that we are somehow bad people. The way to hack that programming is to accept yourself entirely - absolutely everything - and from that palace of acceptance, begin to take responsibility for everything that happens in your life and this is how to feel well and feel empowered.”

go to the experts

Sometimes wellbeing isn’t a solo journey, sometimes it requires the hand or wisdom of another human being. Someone who is professionally trained to support someone journey through whatever they need. Often it’s touch. More frequently, a listening ear or wise advice. The benefit of a holistic massage and bespoke facial treatment delivered by intuitive hands is a sublime gift. The skin is an organ like all the others, as important as the others. It needs care, protection and nourishment, as without that it can fail us. Just like our lungs or hearts. It’s not to be forgotten or glossed over as fluffy or insignificant. Supporting our skin and giving and receiving touch is as significant as it gets. Physical touch and connection are some of the pillars of wellness for that reason. Don’t we hold our children endlessly? It shouldn’t end as we age. Nor should being listened to. Know when you need therapy - most people do need it. Put yourself in someone else’s hands. It’s like a form of reparenting and can heal many sore hearts.

Know things get better

Hard things happen in life, there is no avoiding it, but resilience does arrive. An understanding of this is a wonderful thing for sustaining a sense of wellbeing. Whilst life is not linear, acceptance of that and the knowledge that good times will come again is key for emotional endurance. Comments from a study on wellness by Stanford University stated, “when we talk with young adults in their 20s, they talk a great deal about trying to find themselves, about their sense of self: “Who am I and what is my purpose and meaning?” Conversely, when we talk with older adults, they are no longer searching. They talk about decisions they’ve made and life satisfaction. They talk much more about positive, rather than negative, emotions. Resilience seems more significant than stress. They’ve had much more life experience, which has shown them that they can come out the other side. Many have even experienced tragedy; thus, they have a different experience of being well.

I find that inspiring and a real signpost to solace.

Actress Glenn Close said, “What mental health needs are more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation”. And I think Wellness 2.0 reflects that in its graduation to the better word - Wellbeing - the sense that all we do, and all we are, on the inside and on the outside of ourselves has an impact on the happiness and health of our entire being.

What we know now is that real wellbeing is not the absence of ill-health in our bodies, it is purely the presence of peace in our soul.

Ellie Balfe, September 2021