Yahaira L. Reyes is a 42 year old writer, lawyer and current criminology master’s degree student. A self-proclaimed ‘citizen of the world’, she shares her story with us and reminds us, as almost all of this series does, that the most important thing in life is - love.

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Empathetic, intelligent, funny (but only because I blurt out what I'm thinking 90% of the time!)

What is on your mind most these days?

I have experienced a lot of tragedy in the past five years, it is as if the loss of my mother removed her protective shield, and I have been left out in the cold, fending off wolves. And yet at the same time, I have experienced beautiful, loving moments and have managed to move forward with my career and meet the love of my life; so a fairy tale really. But back to the question: Everything, every single thing is on my mind but mostly a rare focus I have never experienced before pushing back the dark thoughts every day allowing me to finish my Masters Degree in Criminology.

What is the last thing that you said no to?

A post-Covid lockdown reunion with friends last weekend because I had a deadline (as I said, I'm really focused!).

What is the last thing you said yes to?

My wedding gown! I was so surprised about actually loving the style that it took me 40 minutes of walking around the shop before I could say yes. I don’t regret it though, it was the right choice!

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

Well, I guess it was a mix of ingredients; the typical dead-end job in an industry I didn’t care for and the need to grow professionally mixed with my ridiculous obsession with crime and justice. Back in my 20s, I studied law and Human Rights, thinking I was going to change the world. I came against a lot of walls and gave up, working in whatever job I could get (mostly in international organisations or private companies using my English, Spanish and Dutch language skills), thinking on each occasion “this is what I want to do”.

It took a terrible relationship, a move between countries, my mother’s death, the #metoo movement, a suicide attempt and meeting a loving partner to shake whatever was hiding in my head loose and come to the forefront! I regret absolutely nothing.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

I was a sad baby that cried daily. A dreamer and shy child afraid of everyone and everything. A bullied ugly duckling in school and neighbourhood. A best friend. An honours student and winner of a bronze medal for a short story written in high school. A late bloomer having my first kiss at 18 with a member of a rock band in the Dominican Republic while in college - a cliché. A lawyer who hated practising law. A master’s degree student with social justice dreams, who underperformed in her 20s due to boy issues.

An unhappy wife. A legal assistant way in over my head. A sales representative who realised she was basically working for the “devil” in a pharmaceutical company. An unemployed struggling writer. A writer with some published articles. A girl loving the worst person to love. A pro-choice supporter with her own personal experience. A customer service representative that can totally relate to the horror stories of crazy customers we’ve all heard.

A spiritual practitioner of Vipassana who experienced the beauty of being in silence and meditating for days on end. A traveller discovering the joy of travelling alone. A Dutch speaker ready for the next step. A very fortunate woman with beautiful and kind friends in and outside Ireland.

A woman without a mom who saw the heart-breaking and ravaging effects of dementia. A connoisseur of depression and suicidal thoughts that sought help before it was too late. A former Pieta client who will be forever grateful. A 40-year-old. A lover, partner and unofficial stepmom. A childless mother. A mature student. A writer.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

The youngest of two. It had a lot of influence on who I am today. Outshined and outsmarted by my big brother, I always got second-hand books; always getting a no after my brother got a yes and he was always just ‘better’! It really trained me to be happy with what I can get but this seriously damaged my competitive side to this day. I luckily found something I love in writing and Criminology and feel I finally have a place where I can be unapologetically myself.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

Not 100%, but I know I’m getting there.

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

Best: “Never give anyone your entire heart to anyone... always keep a piece for yourself.” My father gave me this advice after a particularly painful breakup at the age of 30 and it stuck with me; I discovered that the little piece you save can help you heal.

Worst: “Do not get involved” Not everyone likes to be involved in political or social movements and I understand that; but there comes a time when we all need to fight for what is right and that phrase when I heard it angered me to my core and of course, I didn’t listen. I got involved.

What does midlife feel like to you?

Fertility doctor visits and the search for that rainbow child.

Of all the things I thought about, and prepared myself for, before hitting 40; the plunge your fertility takes after you cross that threshold was not one of them. And so, after two terminations and one miscarriage, here I am still trying to find that piece of heaven, while probably not ready for sleepless nights and multiple diaper changes. My mom did it, she was 40 when I was born, so I think I can too.

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? Are you going to do it?

Publish a novel. Does anyone know a publisher interested in experimental fiction about a Caribbean prostitute with the gift of sight crossing the seas in search of her power? If you do, hook a girl up, the book is pretty much ready!

Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed your ideas, or given you a new perspective?

I’m not a religious person, I don’t go to church or follow their teachings, but I have experienced unexplainable events that have taught me that everything happens within life’s shade of grey. I have learned to be open to every experience, idea, theory and crazy story I hear. I’m convinced there is so much more than what we see in this world and I applaud those who go seek it, whether in science or spirituality (two sides to the same coin).

What is something you love now that you couldn’t imagine you would like in the past?

Avocado. Couldn’t touch them until I was in my 40s. Bad childhood habits made me miss something I find incredibly delicious now.

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?

Finishing my dissertation and getting my degree hopefully with first-class honours. Fingers crossed!

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

With more capable and empathetic women in positions of power. We need women (and men) who are capable of identifying what makes a person special and helps them apply that quality in the workplace.

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

I watch too many YouTube videos, anything that gives me extra knowledge, I will watch it. I should get back to reading more, I have too many books pending.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

Wellbeing? What is that? Going through some tough times with my family at the moment so wellbeing is scarce, but I do my best to sit alone for a while and get lost in a podcast or YouTube video.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

I do not care what people think, I have very little shame and I'm comfortable beyond belief in my “imperfect” body.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

Problematic people from the past coming back serving unnecessary drama and causing pain to the ones I love. Some people need to grow up.

Do you sleep well?

No.

What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

To the girl in her 20s: nothing matters that much to make a huge deal about it, you will be fine. To the girl in her 30s: pain doesn’t last forever, the only way out is through. To the girl who just turned 40 a couple of years ago: follow your instinct, not what other people want.

Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?

I feel lost at least once a month and the older I get the easier it is for my brain to untangle itself and find the way out.

What do you love about yourself?

My ridiculous honesty. Next to the phrase “open book” you will find a picture of me, with a huge smile.

When do you feel truly alive?

Dancing, writing or holding my 4-month puppy Bella!

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

I am not only alive still but I am doing good. That did not look like a possibility three years ago.

What was a major turning point in your life?

My mom’s death.

What are you looking forward to in the coming months?

Finishing my dissertation and searching to see what’s out there in terms of a professional life.

Are you a good friend?

Ask my friends, maybe I’m the worst, who knows.

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

Unconditional love, knowledge and a funny moment with my loved ones.

Any regrets?

Why? Do you have a time machine? Otherwise, what is the point?

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Love

What makes you feel at home?

The sun and the crash of the waves against the rocks.

Favourite book, and why?

Favourite author more like it: Gabriel Garcia Marquez, his books are fantastical and at the same time full of humanity. I cried like a baby for days when he died.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

I couldn’t live without music so to pick one favourite is to hurt others! I’ll tell you what, the second time I cried like a baby for days, and still do, was when George Michael died. His songs have been with me in plenty of sad and happy moments. But I wouldn’t say no to shaking my booty to some Latin or R&B sounds. And you will find me listening to Requiem on repeat or the soundtrack of Evita any time.