A Woman's Worth is Never Done

5 minute read

Career paths for women are complicated. The positions we choose in midlife and beyond – or indeed settle for – are influenced heavily by the immense pressures we are placed under at this particular point in our lives. Domestic and caring responsibilities, menopause and visible signs of ageing can all contribute to undermining our own confidence and others’ faith in our abilities.

For many women, being physically present to patch up a scraped knee or dry crying eyes is as important as being visible in the boardroom or staffroom. We define ourselves as much by our performance at home as we do in the office. We are mothers, matriarchs and caregivers as much as breadwinners and mentors, after all.

In midlife, we’re faced with impossible choices between personal and professional responsibilities. While men progress comfortably along their linear career paths into midlife and beyond, women over the age of 40 are faced with two suddenly divergent tracks – work or personal life. We quite literally have to split ourselves in two to pursue both.

For this reason, women who can afford to, often make the decision to do one job really well rather than feel torn in two, five days out of seven. The rest of us make agonising choices each day, feel bad about ourselves much of the time, and often lead lives dogged by professional disappointment and personal reproach. Although Henry David Thoreau wrote in 1854 that, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation”, I think he must have meant women in middle age.

Notwithstanding the fact that I’m not a mother and so have none of the myriad obligations that most of my peers do, I sometimes feel this desperation and frustration when caring for my ageing mother. I had to take a morning off work this week to bring her to a doctor’s appointment, despite having three deadlines hanging over me. I felt frustrated that she’s so dependent on me, guilty for feeling frustrated, and mentally drained at this hamster wheel of emotions I’ve been in for the past two years.

The emotional and domestic duties shouldered by women stall, slow and, at worst, sabotage our careers.

But we’re not only victims of gender bias. A study published in the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2015 revealed “robust evidence of age discrimination in hiring against older women” but “considerably less evidence of age discrimination against men”. The same study went on to reveal that in the workplace, “physical appearance matters more for women”. Interestingly, according to a 2018 article in the Financial Times, ageism at work begins at exactly age 40 for women. At 46, that makes me well past my supposed sell-by date.

So we’re whacked by a double whammy of “isms” – sexism and ageism – leaving workplaces lacking representation from women in their 50s and 60s. Add to this the fact that in midlife we are changing, physically and emotionally, as our bodies weather the strain and pain of menopause, and it’s not surprising that many women have traditionally felt marginalised and diminished in midlife. Managing the symptoms of menopause in a traditional office environment can feel like one extra burden too many. I, for one, can’t remember the last time I slept soundly for an entire night; sleeplessness and brain fog are frequent, but thankfully remote working is far more forgiving than the pre-pandemic 9-5.

But what will the workforce look like in 50 years’ time if this pattern of midlife workplace withdrawal maintains its pace? Imagine all of the workplace wisdom, hard and soft skills, people management and mentoring experience that will be lost. In an article on career pivots in midlife I wrote for Heyday last year, I referred to a Huffington Post article that described women over 40 as “the gold standard of employment” for all the nuanced skills we bring to a company in addition to a terrific CV.

Brené Brown once said, “What we know matters but who we are matters more.” I think if this attitude was embedded in our professional culture as much as in our societal, we’d have far more interesting and diverse work environments. A CV will only tell you so much about an individual. Research in 2018 by the Harvard Business Review supports this supposition. It found that companies which were open to workers of all backgrounds and ages were 45% more likely to report growth in market share.

It’s the beginning of a sea change for women in midlife. Remember Nicole Kidman’s 2018 Golden Globe acceptance speech for her role in Big Little Lies when she hailed the value of the female midlife experience? That year, eight of the ten Best Actress nominees at the Academy Awards were over 40, five were over 50 and four were 60-plus. Actresses are refusing to retreat when they pass the age of 35 and Hollywood can’t ignore their box office pulling power.

Finally, women, from Hollywood in California to Hollywood in County Wicklow, are beginning to value all that they bring to others as women in midlife. In a New York Post article a couple of years ago a woman in her middle years who held a senior position at a financial services firm explained: “Of course I can handle difficult clients. I’m the mother of 15-year-old twins for heaven’s sake. I can handle anything!”

This is the kind of confidence we need to project and the type of pride in our multitasking lives and multitudinous experience we need to express. Women have nurturing, multitasking and service-orientated skills that are totally foreign to men. We need to boast about these not bury them.

We’re looking into a post-pandemic future of remote and flexible working, of corporate responsibility and professional authenticity. Women over 40 are well placed to succeed in this new normal. We simply need to avoid the pitfall of our past. As entrepreneur Malcolm Forbes explained: “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Once we understand how to fully value ourselves as women in midlife, sweeping changes can be achieved. I know it.

A Woman's Worth is Never Done

5 minute read

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