Skin Care as Soul Care

I was texting with an old friend this morning and as we typed we told each other how we are really feeling at the moment. You know those moments where you are completely honest, the moments where you know you are communicating in a safe space - where there is no judgement, no pretending…

It started with, "how are you?’, followed with us both saying, “ah, fine”, followed by “ish”.

Then, “Yeah, so how are you really?”

And so, we both cried.

The rest of that revelation is for another piece perhaps, because that question “how are you really?” is the most potent of queries, I think. It reveals truth from the one questioned and true care in the one wondering.

Try it, it’s worth it.

Anyhow, after said text exchange, where we both were kind to each other and where we recognised each others’ stress and didn’t try to fix it or to change it (because old friends are not for solutions I find, they are for safety), we left our phones down a little lighter.

What followed immediately after that, was me going to the bathroom to see my red, swollen eyes and blotchy skin (I don’t cry pretty).

And so I looked to my skincare, as I often do for a few moments respite. Many may consider self care to be trite, but I assure you, for me it is not. The minutes spent soothing my skin with lotions and potions affords me many things - time to reflect, and time to feel my own touch on my skin - it can be a moment of deep reflection, both physically as I look at myself and then, emotionally, when I go past the mirror and look inside my psyche a bit further.

I use a multi-step process of products, mostly from the French skincare brand, Biologique Recherche. And now, more than ever, I am so glad of its multiple steps.

When I was younger, I was a Wash and Go girl - I wanted quick, but I also wanted good.

My professional background, before writing, was in beauty; I was a makeup artist trained in film, TV, theatre and fashion, working on sets, shoots and sometimes in retail for over 15 years. After that, I became an award-winning beauty editor for the leading glossy magazine in Ireland, so, suffice to say that my exposure to good skincare and products was good.

I have tried so many ranges, I can tell you anything about the genesis of Creme de la Mer, or of Lancome’s star products, of Bobbi Brown’s colour mixes or Stila’s grade of eyeshadow sheen ( I was both of their head makeup artists in Ireland when they came here initially).

I tell you this, merely to reinforce that I know about beauty. And I know of its importance to women. I have done the makeup of hundreds of nervous brides, of cancer patients who have lost their hair and eyelashes, and of lonely older women who hadn’t been physically touched in years. Because of those interactions and what I saw happen in those women as I worked on their faces, I hold beauty up as a ritual that helps women on a level far, far deeper than skin level.

It’s not a surface thing, it’s a soul thing. That moment you can see yourself; if you really look…

Now, at 45 and in the grip of this uncertain world with the surety of an economic toll, families upended and children at home when they should be at school (and all the horrendous pressure that puts on family life, mainly mothers), I am feeling the need for my multi-step skincare moment more and more.

For time for me. To soothe both my skin and soul.

I don’t want quick and good anymore, I just want good.

I am grateful for when I don’t just wipe and go. I am glad when I spend the time massaging my face with Lait VIP O2, its creamy texture and gentle smell dissipating any dirt on my skin…

I feel cleansed on a deeper level when I splash it off with freezing water; my skin suddenly wide awake.

I feel a vibrant tingling when I pour the yeasty smelling iconic toning product Lotion P50V onto cotton and press across my face, neck and chest. It tingles so much, it makes it feel alive. And it clears and refines skin like nothing I’ve ever used. Ever.

I feel I am nurturing myself when I sweep the nourishing Amniotique E serum or sometimes the Buffet serum from The Ordinary across my face afterwards.

I feel like I am feeding my entire self, not just my face, when I rub the moisturiser, Creme Splendide, into my skin.

And after that, I feel as though I am protecting myself when I cover it all with Elta MD SPF 46.

Because I am - protecting myself - with all of it.

That time, those moments, that touch…

From me - to me.

As I look in the mirror in the natural light of my bathroom and recognise red-tinged stress in my eyes from time to time, that worry for my myriad responsibilities, that tightness in the muscles of my cheeks, I can put my hands on my many products, open them and smell their particular familiar scent and get to work.

My hands, on myself - grounding me, pulling me back into myself. Caring about myself. We don’t do this enough as women…

Yes, the products are proven by science and the application techniques are notable in their efficacy, but what’s greater than all, is taking the time...

You see, self-care isn’t trite, it’s respite.

So maybe today, ask yourself, “how are you, really?” and head into your bathroom to work out the answer. I assure you there’s promise in those potions.

My friend’s last words in her texts to me said, “all will be well”, and after coming out from my bathroom and sitting to write this, I know it to be true. Sometimes only another’s words truly hit the spot, I hope some of these do too, for you.

Ellie Balfe, July 2020.

What are you doing for your own self care these strange days? And also, how are you - really?
Let’s talk in the comments below…