On Coming Together Again

Like Covid-19, lockdown itself has waged a vicious war on the health and wellbeing of the nation, leaving most of us emotionally fragile and physically weary. Unlike the coronavirus, which is more damaging to the elderly and medically vulnerable, people of every age are susceptible to the damaging health effects of social isolation, which can include anything from heart disease and stroke to depression and anxiety.

The 19th-century French philosopher David Émile Durkheim once described the shared emotional experience of people at religious events as “collective effervescence”. This concept can apply to most gatherings, from sporting events and concerts to weddings and christenings, because they generate within us an important sense of community and belonging, as well as excitement and happiness. This effervescence has disappeared from our lives this year, and what’s fizzled out along with it is a fundamental belief in our ability to connect with others in a meaningful way. That most human of impulses has been forcibly suppressed, and the consequence of this is a slow but continuous erosion of our confidence.

Our self-belief has also been battered by virtue of the simple fact that we don’t perform many of those seemingly insignificant – but essential – everyday tasks we once took for granted, like driving. In September, I took my car out at night for the first time since last February and I actually had to search the manual to remind myself how to turn on the headlights. Last month I was commissioned to interview several individuals from within the fashion community – something I’ve done many times over the years – and I was a bundle of nerves and apprehension at the idea of having to converse intelligently with other professionals. When I was working on a magazine full-time last year, I regularly hosted fashion events and podcasts, articulating myself confidently (I hope). But now, most of my work days involve only me and my laptop, and as an introvert, I’m becoming too comfortable with that dynamic. My world has shrunk dramatically and it’s daunting to visualise myself outside of it.

There’s no doubt we've all reached peak lockdown fatigue – and frustration. Many of us may feel like failures too because we’re not living the 2020 version of The Good Life – baking, gardening, Marie Kondo-ing etc. I’ve been listening to every current affairs programme on RTE radio as they vigorously debate the chances of Level 3 versus Level 2 come December 1, and I feel a little like I did midway through watching It’s A Wonderful Life for the first time – full of high hopes but with little on show to support them. But just as Frank Capra’s leading man George Bailey was able to move beyond his feelings of failure and frustration to appreciate what he had to offer as an individual, and to enjoy his wonderful life, so we can come out the other side of Level 5 with our confidence and self-esteem intact. Even better, we can do it without the help of a guardian angel. Having said that, I’d love to meet Clarence if he’s up there listening.

“Waiting for lockdown to end is a little like dating in middle age – you crave the excitement, but fear the upheaval”.

I read an article on BBC.com last week, which reiterated this perspective: “People are trying to cope [with lockdown] by creating a cocoon of safety, a haven, to make the whole experience more tolerable. Ironically, that can create problems later on because people can love their lockdown too much and become anxious about going outside.” We may be fatigued and frustrated, but we’re also frightened. However focusing on our own well-being is one tangible step we can take to prepare for a full life after lockdown.

It’s quite a difficult thing to do, though, because most of us probably don’t feel we deserve to. We haven’t been getting up at some unearthly hour of the morning five days a week and commuting in hellish traffic to our place of work, we’ve only been working from home. We know we’ve a lot more time on our hands though we’ve little to show for it – how could we possibly be entitled to more “me” time? But the stresses of this pandemic and its isolationist antidote are very real, and taking the time to make sure that we’re feeling good about ourselves will make the transition from Level 5 to Level 2 (fingers crossed) smoother.

According to Psychology Today, self-care is our first line of defence. “...Always putting yourself at the end of the line is a grave disservice that actually works against you. Take good care of yourself first and you will have more to give to others.” But who among us instinctively believes that “me first” is a magnanimous way to behave right now? It’s difficult to be selfish, especially if you have young children or elderly parents depending on you. Having said that, I’m going to give it a go. For me that means firstly having a facial. I was given a voucher for my birthday which I didn’t have the opportunity to use before the shutters came down, so I’ll be booking myself in for December 2. My hair appointment is already arranged for December 4. I’ll paint my nails for this appointment and wear, oh I don’t know...a skirt maybe! Imagine. If I look like pre-lockdown Marie, maybe I’ll feel and behave more like her. At the very least it will help me to fake it till I feel it.

Confidence comes with practice, from doing the same things repeatedly, so it’s worth considering which aspects of post-lockdown life unsettle you the most and taking steps toward slowly but consistently tackling them. I know that I need to create more work for myself that involves other people. Right now, the notion of walking into a new office with new colleagues terrifies me, yet I’m not convinced I want to remain freelance in the long term, so I need to get up off my introverted ass and begin setting up meetings IRL for when lockdown ends. I need to remind myself how enjoyable it is when there’s a creative spark between two peers and how much fun it is to work alongside like-minded people.

Self-determination is essential to well-being, and while we may feel nothing but uncertainty at the moment, when restrictions ease we will regain a greater sense of control in our lives. In an interview with The Guardian, Vishaal Kishore, a professor of innovation and public policy, explained: “Recognising that – amongst all the change and uncertainty – we have choices and agency in how we remake our world of work and social life can help us to navigate that uncertainty with grace and optimism.” If you’re concerned about returning to an office full-time, for instance, perhaps you won’t have to. If you fear you’ll have nothing to talk to friends about because nothing much has happened when you eventually can catch-up with them face-to-face, remember that it’s the same for everyone, and there’s always a Netflix series to break the proverbial ice.

The most important thing though is to keep in touch, to stay connected with friends, family and colleagues in whatever way you can, because as Clarence told George Bailey, “No man is a failure who has friends.”