Nice Girls Don't

5 minute read

Like so many people, the past two years have brought up many issues for me. Some were caused by the pandemic, others by perimenopause.There were many discussions around identity. Who am I outside of the many roles that have been assigned to me? Who are we, especially at this stage of our lives, and how much of that has been our choice?

Some of the issues I struggled with had to do with work. Who was I professionally? One day, during a particularly tough time at work, I cried during a meeting with another woman. I felt unprofessional and apologised profusely.

I told her about the advice given to me early in my career. A male boss of mine had told me never to show any emotion during business meetings. It would make me appear weak. So for years, if I was getting upset or angry in a meeting, I would shove it down and work my hardest to appear unbothered. But why? And for whom was I doing this?

When I thought back to my childhood, I realised just how many times someone else had given me instructions on how to be socially acceptable, a “nice girl”. People like my former boss who were definitely not comfortable with emotions of any sort.

“Nice girls don’t cause a scene.”

“Nice girls don’t take up too much space.”

“Nice girls don’t ask for more.”

I questioned why I behaved the way I did in certain situations. Once you start, you realise how pervasive these beliefs are. As I said, heavy stuff.

I started to think about how I could address these ideas with a larger audience. I’m a standup comic so the thought of getting onstage and talking about scary things isn’t new to me…but to do it in a way that poked fun at the larger societal constraints and allowed others to feel seen? To do something beyond standup that allowed us to explore the hard questions. Wouldn’t it be amazing to talk about these things affecting women and do it in a way that made fun of these tropes?

It sounded like a fun challenge, so on a lark, I submitted an idea to the Scene + Heard Festival. This festival features new work and provides artists an opportunity to try things out in front of an audience, the perfect place for a comedic show like mine poking fun at the conditioning that women have been subjected to for their entire lifetime.

I was fairly confident that there was no chance my submission would get picked. Until I got word that it did.

And that’s how I found myself writing and directing a show, Nice Girls Don’t, that takes the piss out of the patriarchy. I was afraid of being overwhelmed doing it all on my own, so I asked two female comics that I respect if they would join me. Over the course of the past two months, we’ve been writing, daydreaming, collaborating and scheming to bring something magical to the stage.

Even though I’ve never done something like this before, I’m at that point in my life when I know what I’m capable of. But that doesn’t mean that it’s been easy.

There have been many zoom calls, spreadsheets, collaboration and late nights but this is my chance. I want to make people think about the serious topics that we’re addressing but figuring out a way to do that with levity has been a challenge. In the show, we take on female anger, societal expectations of success and a few workplace scenarios that will sound familiar.

What I’ve come to understand with creative projects of any kind is that it’s just a matter of jumping into the unknown and being willing to take a risk. It can be harder to do that as we get older, but I’m trusting in myself, my voice and my vision. The opportunity to bring this show to an audience, in a venue like Smock Alley, with talented female collaborators, is both surreal and exciting.

I wouldn’t have had the courage to apply for something like this even three years ago, but the world has changed and so have I. There’s no time for wondering if I can do something. Turning these questions I’m asking of myself into art, into a creation that I can be proud of…that’s the real meaning of midlife for me. I may be done giving birth to children, but I still have plenty of other things to bring to life.

If any of this resonates with you and you’d like to come have a laugh over the state of affairs for women, please consider joining us on Tuesday, 15 Feb, at Smock Alley. We’d love to see you there.

In case there’s any confusion, men are allowed in as well.

Tickets available on the Smock Alley website.