Midlife Fashion Meltdown

Are you experiencing midlife malaise about your wardrobe? Perhaps it’s less malaise and more mystification? Are you confused by the multitude of mixed messages sold to women in midlife about how they should dress beyond the precipice of 40? That’s what it feels like sometimes, doesn’t it? Like a steep sartorial cliff and the only way forward is over the edge and down, down, down….

Many women who go shopping in department stores in the early years of middle age experience the fashion equivalent of vertigo – unsteadiness, light-headedness, fear. The confusing array of colours and cuts, the glut of new “trendy” labels, the hair-raising prices. When faced with falling off the side of the cliff or hot-footing it out of the store, they choose the latter, and run right back to the closet that reflects who they were ten years ago, but not any more. It can be difficult to force change, but the rewards are great when we do. Think of model Jerry Hall when she was 45 and sporting the same bum-skimming blonde wave she had at 25 compared with how she looked at 57 in 2014 when she opted for a modern “lob” (a long bob). That haircut instantly knocked ten years off her and transformed the mother of four from ageing rock chick to relevant older woman. Clothes have that same power.

But which way to turn? Are costly classics the way forward? Should you indulge your inner eccentric like fashion designers Vivienne Westwood and Zhandra Rhodes? Is athleisure out? If heels hurt, is there a non-frumpy alternative? Can you wear denim; do you have to wear denim to remain on the right side of fashionable over 40? Will you look matronly in midi dresses? Are sleeves the new black for women in midlife? Should sequins be banished completely? As we evolve our style from cool 30-something to chic 40-something, we have one major thing going for us.

The maturity of our middle years means that those torturous days of trying to keep up with the Joneses have passed.

In midlife, your clothes need not reflect trends, celebrity style, Instagram icons or any of the other external influences that dictated most of our fashion choices when we were in our 20s and 30s, they need only reflect the woman you see yourself as today. And this is an easier job than you might think.

When women lose enthusiasm for their wardrobes and the motivation to shop, it matters little what advice they read in articles like this one because the wherewithal to translate that advice from theory to practice just isn’t there. The first thing I would say to these women is book a personal shopper and allow them to do the work for you. If you book an inhouse personal shopper (on staff with a department store, for instance), they cost nothing and there is no obligation to buy. If you book someone who is independent, there’ll be a flat fee (and still no obligation to buy), which you won’t regret paying as long as you choose someone who has been recommended by an individual you trust and whose own aesthetic is one you like (not necessarily for yourself, but as another frame of reference).

I worked as an in-store stylist (it’s the same thing as a personal shopper except clients don’t have to make an appointment in advance, and you get paid less) several years ago and the easiest customers to advise and dress were those who were completely honest with me. By that I don’t mean that they came in knowing what they wanted (they usually had only a vague notion), I mean that when I brought items into the dressing room, they were straight-up about what they liked and didn’t like. I know several women who feel under pressure to agree with whatever a personal shopper suggests, and that they should be amenable and agreeable (it’s the age-old affliction women have to make those around them feel comfortable), but really you must be polite but firm. The personal shopper’s only aim is for you to walk away genuinely happy. That way they get booked again, either by you or someone you’ve passed their details onto, so always say it like it is. It’s also good practice for discomforting people in other areas of your life when you need to.

A rash response to the emotional journey of dressing for midlife is a natural instinct when you want to rapidly rid yourself of unpleasant feelings brought on by clothes that don’t feel like “you” anymore, but don’t write off everything in your wardrobe because as a whole it doesn’t work.

You will have acquired plenty of pieces that are worth hanging onto but simply need a sartorial twist to take them from millennial-looking to midlife-appropriate (I’m always hesitant to use the word “appropriate” as it has such negative prim and proper associations. What I mean by midlife-appropriate is suitable for who you are at this moment in your life; for some women that will be a cool pair of leather trousers, for others a smart shift dress, for another a tie-dye T-shirt). The one thing I would say though is that the better the quality of fabrics you wear in mid and later life, the fresher and more modern you will look. Cheap polyesters and tatty finishes will age you above anything else. If you’re planning a wardrobe weed, that’s not a bad baseline to work off. Quality stays, rubbishy goes, although I’ll always make an exception for a piece I’m sentimental about.

One thing to remember before shopping up a storm with or without a personal shopper is that dressing in your 40s, 50s and beyond doesn’t equate to playing it safe. In fact, along with cheap-looking clothes, playing it too safe will age you just as quickly. So even if neutral separates are your comfort zone, elevate them by choosing pieces with distinctive detailing; a black blazer with a leather lapel, a dress with an asymmetric hemline, a shirt with oversized cuffs – unexpected features are the difference between pedestrian and head-turning. What you want is for others to look at you and think, “Wow, she looks great”, without the qualifier of “for her age”. This kind of modern detailing is ageless.

You may now be wondering if I’m ever going to answer the style questions I posed earlier in this piece, so here I go… Costly classics have a place in every closet, but one or two well-chosen items will anchor your wardrobe nicely. If you have an inner eccentric (I don’t unfortunately), absolutely set her free; all you need to carry off vibrant colours and mismatched prints is confidence. Athleisure is a friend whatever your age, but in midlife choose fluid pieces in quality fabrics rather than Lycra and mesh, which are better saved for the gym. I know many women whose feet simply hurt when they wear any kind of heel. Flats can look incredibly elegant and sophisticated, from loafers to ballet flats, trainers and Chelsea boots, but it pays to spend extra on your feet. That way your flats won’t look like an afterthought or a compromise.

Denim works for women of every age (but is not essential to looking good over 40; I find I’m wearing it less and less as I get older), but evolve your choice of cuts beyond skinny. I like a high-waisted flair when I want to look pulled together or a boyfriend jean for downtime. To my mind there’s nothing matronly about midi dresses, in fact I think it’s the most sophisticated length to wear (Meghan Markle is a fan). I love a sleeve, but I always have done, even when I was young and lithe of limb. They’re simply a personal choice in midlife and in no way mandatory. Sequins will add a special occasion feel to an outfit whatever your time of life. All I would suggest is loosening the silhouette as you get older.

Malaise is a fact of life sometimes, but wardrobe fatigue is one of the easiest things to redress, and the payoff that comes with it is huge. The right outfit and the confidence that comes with it can be the springboard you need to re-energise other areas of your life, or to simply enjoy your life to the full as it is right now. The late street style photographer Bill Cunningham once said, “Fashion is the armour to survive the reality of everyday life.” It really is.

Marie Kelly, August 2020.