Living In The Now? But How?

5 minute read

According to The New York Times, Gen Z is channeling the 1990s in a big way right now. They’re crushing on what they see as the idiosyncrasies of a decade devoid of selfies and social media, iphones and influencers. One of the 20-somethings interviewed in the article, who sells nineties clothing to likeminded nostalgics on Depop, described people in this decade as “just being more in the moment”.

Of course back then there were no smartphones funneling news, gossip and celebrity soundbites to us 24/7, and no notifications to distract us from the task, individual or endeavor at hand, so we had no choice but to be in the present. Having said that, we did spend a chunk of our time looking ahead, because in the nineties life involved a lot of waiting – for the landline to ring; for the next episode of ER to air; for a commercial break, so you could run to the loo and relieve yourself.

But irrespective of the decade we’re in, living in the moment requires a concerted effort, especially at this time of year, because it contradicts January’s traditional narrative around self-improvement, which almost always involves focusing on the future.

The airwaves are filled with a cacophony of voices barking at us to “set goals”, “create timelines”, “devise strategies”, while social media spits words like efficiency, productivity and methodology at us. Meanwhile, we feverishly count our steps, monitor our sleep patterns, adapt our diets, and journal our way towards some supposedly better version of ourselves.

But in her soberingly titled book, Death: The End of Self-Improvement, author Joan Tollifson argues that this relentless reach for perfection is futile because there’s only one end in store for each of us. She maintains that if we bore this reality in mind rather than some aspirational, and probably fictional, future we’ve imagined for ourselves, we’d appreciate the series of precious everyday moments, which actually makes up each of our lives. At first it sounds like a fairly morose approach to life – can thinking about death really be a healthy approach to living? But really Tollifson is expanding on what self-help author Eckhart Tolle has always argued. In his words: “Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.”

Tollifson is right of course as any individual who has been faced with a serious medical or terminal diagnosis will tell you. When our future is cut short, our present lengthens as we stretch out every treasured minute of the time that remains. On the release of her book, Overcoming, in 2018, women’s health activist and cancer sufferer Vicky Phelan poignantly explained that, “...even in the hardest of times, life is worth living, one precious moment at a time”.

But why does it often take a brush with mortality to stop us from remaining either rooted in our past or intent on escaping to some gilded future? Probably because the present is riddled with uncertainty – questions hang unanswered, problems unsolved, hurts not yet healed.

While we often (without knowing it) edit the past and romanticise the future, the present has an uncertainty to it that is unnerving.

I suppose only when faced with the ultimate uncertainty of an afterlife can we put the rawness, pain and imperfection of our present into some perspective.

Of course in the nineties, imperfection was par for the course; even for celebrities who were often photographed looking the worse for wear. Just Google Kate Moss in the 1990s and you’ll find pictures of the model, cigarette in one hand and bottle of beer in the other. But today, perfectionism is the very dangerous benchmark by which we judge ourselves – even the former hellraising model is teetotal now – and when you’re trying to be perfect all of the time, you can’t possibly live in the moment because that would be to admit failure. Perfectionism is always a far-off ideal not a tangible goal.

The young fan girl was right when she told The New York Times that in the nineties “people, to some extent, seemed more chill”. And we were, because when we went to a bathroom it was to pee not to be photographed. When we didn’t want to speak to someone, we ignored the phone and pretended we weren’t home.

When we made a fashion mistake, it was only seen by a small group of peers who probably didn’t know any better anyway. We were chilled because nobody was watching. We were relaxed because the stakes weren’t so high.

But the difficulty of living in the moment in 2022 is more profound than simply navigating social media. A 2018 article in The New Yorker explained that, “Survival in the hypercompetitive, globalized economy, where workers have fewer protections and are more disposable than ever, requires that we try to become faster, smarter, and more creative. Anything less than our best won’t cut it.” As a creative and a freelancer, this resonated with me hugely. How can I embrace and enjoy the present moment when I’m constantly thinking about my next pitch, commission, payment, Instagram post etc. I nostalgically think back to taking holidays from work in the late nineties and early noughties. I literally disappeared for two weeks. Nobody knew where I was or what I was doing and there was absolutely no contact with the office during that time. Now that’s conducive to living in the moment.

But the “hypercompetitive economy” and the pressure to self-improve that comes with it stretches far beyond the traditional ‘dry January’ commitment, or new gym membership that used to characterise a personal reboot. It’s an exhausting, 360-day-a-year hamster wheel of personal advancement across every aspect of our home lives and careers. It’s a world away from the kind of “keeping up with the Joneses” our parents concerned themselves with. Then, it meant upgrading the family car, but today it translates to elevating your entire lifestyle in a futile attempt to hang onto the coattails of a global community of influencers.

So what’s the solution to this pressure cooker-like existence? It can’t be to abandon any thoughts of, or efforts at, self-improvement. Nor can it be to ditch social media, because for many of us, it’s intrinsic to our businesses and livelihood. According to an article last month on PositivePsychology.com, it’s to balance our thoughts of the past, present and future. “Thinking about any one of them too much can have serious negative effects on our lives, but keeping the three in balance will help us to be happy and healthy people.” So, learn from the past, plan for the future, live in the present? It sounds like a cockeyed optimism you’d find in a fortune cookie, doesn’t it?

Perhaps it does, but what else can we do except try? And just keep swimming of course.