Orla Neligan @oneligan photographed by @jomurphyphotographer

15 minute read time

We are truly in the age of the multi-hyphenate, or is that just another term for a midlife woman with a story and years of experience! Orla Neligan embodies and embraces the multi-faceted, creative career story we find so interesting here. As a mother, writer, editor, art director, stylist and owner of Cornershop Productions, hers is a full life for sure, and here she tells us about it…

Which three adjectives describe you best?

I find this one hard so I asked my sister: Hardworking, creative, kind, craic – I’ll take it.

What is on your mind most these days?

Staying on top of the ‘load’: work, kids, home and remaining sane while doing so, and will I ever see the Kerry hills again?

What is the last thing that you said no to?

My children asking me for screen time (this happens about 46,000 times over the weekend).

What is the last thing you said yes to?

Heading up a new weekly interiors page for the Independent Weekend Magazine. I’ve written for them for years so this was a bit of a no-brainer since I love, write about and photograph/style interiors regularly. Just need to figure out how to squeeze a weekly column into the mix – eek!

How old are you?

45, wait 46. No, 45, I just did a quick finger count; it gets a bit loose around this decade.

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

I was always quite creative growing up. I was drawn to journalism and a creative life. I made funny books and poems for friends’ birthdays and comics in school and loved photography. I think most teenagers are a bit at sea when it comes to choosing careers and, at 17, I don’t think I was mature enough to make life decisions so I chose a fairly safe arts degree in UCD. I then went on to do a master’s degree in The London School of Economics that specialised in media & communication studies, social research and Third World development. I thought of working with an NGO but once I returned home to Dublin I found a job with a publishing company which led me to journalism and becoming a magazine editor and journalist.

The dog-leg into production/styling happened organically while I was editing a food magazine. We didn’t have the budget for a stylist so I did it myself and was then asked to style The Irish Times food page for Domini Kemp and various cookbooks. The production took off after that so I set up Cornershop Productions. I love that my work straddles both; I might be interviewing someone for the paper one day, writing up a travel piece or on location shooting an ad the next.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

From college summers to now I’ve run the gamut from waitress, dental nurse, clothes shop assistant, bartender, telesales rep, copywriter, event manager, project manager, journalist, editor, stylist, creative director, art director, photographer, producer.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

I’m the youngest. I’ve two older brothers and a sister but since my brothers broke my parents in (in a major way, God love them) I think my sister and I got away with a lot or maybe my parents were just lighter on the reins with us since they were worn out by the other two. They probably doted on us a bit. I’ve always felt like the older sister in some ways, I’m taller than my sister and always looked older which was great when you’re 15 but now that we’re in our 40s she could definitely still pass for 25 unlike me.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

Yes, and no. I feel very privileged to have found a career I love and have my family. But I do feel there’s more to come.

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

I’m a sucker for nuggets of pithy wisdom although they’re not always heeded. One or two that stand out are: ‘Nothing changes unless you change it’. Don’t expect things to change by relying on someone else or doing the same thing over and over. I also remember a teacher quoting Beckett’s ‘try again, fail again, fail better’ – it’s a bit cliché but it’s always stuck with me.

My mum, who should be canonised for her kindness, always says “be kind, you don’t know what’s going on for that person behind their door.” I try to remember that. In terms of negative advice, a friend once said to me “pick one thing and be great at it, you can’t master it all.” I think there’s definitely some truth in that but I’ve also found the opposite to be true: we can be good at multiple things and why not explore that. Having some diversity is actually a positive thing.

What does midlife feel like to you?

Liberating and exhausting in equal measure. I love that I know myself so much better now and I’m proud of my resilience, but life right now is pacier and it feels like a big juggling act sometimes but I definitely have less anxiety generally, if that makes sense. I just deal with it as it comes.

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time?

I’d love to build my own house. Not sure that’ll ever happen but it’s on the goal board. I was fortunate to edit a few travel magazines in my career so I did get to go to some lovely places but there are still lots of countries and places I haven’t seen such as South America and New Zealand, and that screenplay or novel is always nudging me.

Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed you or given you a new perspective?

Having my twin girls (and son shortly after). I was losing sight of becoming a mother as my friends got pregnant all around me. I then got pregnant with twin girls and soon after got pregnant with my son so we had three under 1.5 years for a while, which was one big blur. It used to take 45 minutes to feed each of the twins and they’d often have reflux so once you’d finish one the whole thing would start all over again. I just felt like a constant feeding machine. I used to wear this long cardigan with pockets so I could stash mini caramel bars in them and snack between feeds.

Having three so close together was amazing and terrifying at the same time. I remember when I got pregnant with my son, not believing the pregnancy test and sending my husband out to get five more ‘just to be sure’. I then spent a good two months slightly catatonic at the prospect of how I was going to handle three babies at once and then my son Flynn came along and he was really mellow. It was a crazy house (still is!) but I learnt not to pre-empt or project the worst-case scenario before it’s happened. I’ve learned so much about myself since becoming a mum, good and bad. Definitely harder than any other job I’ve had but also more rewarding.

People talk a lot about pivoting these days, of all the 'switches' you've made or recommend, which has been the most powerful change for you personally?

The decision to work for myself has been very rewarding. Admittedly, it’s a slog, but the flexibility I have, the fact that I answer to myself and I’m in control of what I’m doing is very satisfying. I wouldn’t go back to work for someone else.

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?

On the personal side, I probably need to factor in some more downtime, I’m always busy. Professionally I have a few things on my goal board. I’d love to write a screenplay or novel someday (now I’ve said it out loud…).

Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking in midlife?

Definitely surging but it’s edged with frustration as I realise there’s far more juggling compared to my 20s and 30s. Finding the space to be creative can be tricky when you’re balancing home life, kids and the guilt that goes with being a working mum. I sometimes I wonder if I’m doing any of it well.

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

I think it’s great to see how the landscape is shifting for women. More women are challenging the status quo now without fear of consequence but there are still massive inequalities in the workforce and still a lot of judgment laid at our feet. Women and girls should be able to enjoy the same rights as men – to live free of violence, coercion, discrimination, and to have autonomy over their own bodies. Too many men in power make too many decisions for women so it would be nice to see more women in decision-making positions.

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

Scrolling, I love the visual so Insta is my thing but I find myself down social media rabbit holes way too much. Cleaning toilets, sadly (I’m a little bit obsessed with bleach). I spend too little time doing nothing. I can sit down and watch Netflix or read a book but sitting still and turning my brain off is a challenge. I’m that person in a meditation or yoga class that’s planning the dinner and wondering if I should buy that dual-purpose blender when you’re supposed to be doing a brain dump.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

Now more than ever I’m aware of how important self-care is. My husband recently had a brain aneurysm and the fallout has been pretty chaotic. Thankfully he’s out the other side but it’s a slow road back in terms of recovery. I’m trying to find some pockets of space for me in all the mayhem and that’s usually exercising, going for a walk or listening to a podcast. I stick my ear pods in and get on my bike for a half-hour a few mornings a week and it definitely helps clear my head and sets me up for the day. In the last year, like so many, I’ve started throwing myself into the sea. It’s not very often so I’d like to do that a bit more.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

The urge to please others (mostly). I’m more content now in my life and care less what others think.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

Juggling it all, cash flow, providing for my family and fear of losing loved ones.

Do you sleep well?

I go through phases. As I’m an early riser, I try to go to bed early enough and that definitely helps but I notice a big difference if I’m on technology late into the evening, it’s a major sleep disrupter for me. I’ve recently discovered headspace sleepcasts which are the loveliest, dreamy stories to help put you to sleep.

Do you take any supplements or HRT?

No, but I definitely need to explore HRT. After having my three children my PMT went bananas. Some months it feels as though a stranger has entered my body and my tolerance levels are base, even the cat knows when to disappear.

What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

20s: Procrastinate less, don’t be afraid and that guy you cried your eyes over is now overweight, balding and charmless so don’t worry about it, you dodged a bullet.

30s: Know your worth and your limitations.

40s: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Stressing about what you’ve failed to do is a waste of your very valuable time. And, it’s okay to leave the laundry.

Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?

Definitely. About 15 years ago following a culmination of events including a breakup, moving out of the house we shared, my parents selling our family home, a work situation with two male bosses who didn’t pay me following my work and ending up in court, and a relationship that wasn’t healthy – the perfect storm really. I was a bit rudderless and stressed. When you take the focus off yourself too much it’s easier to get lost or swallowed up by someone, something or the ‘stuff’ that goes with those.

Finding my way back was about focusing on myself and what I needed and wanted. I still lose sight of that sometimes but I try to put my own self-worth up near the top and figure out what’s working for me and what’s not. There’s also a touch of ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ with me, I tend to just go for it.

What do you love about yourself?

I still act like a giddy 10-year-old sometimes and love a bit of divilment. And, that I’ve come through some serious crap in life and I’m still standing (and smiling, mostly!). I’m resilient and a good multitasker. I tend to jump in and get things done.

When do you feel truly alive?

Cycling at full speed while listening to Fleetwood Mac, jumping off the pier into the baltic Irish Sea near our house in Kerry.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

My three kids and my career. It took us a while to have children and it was not an easy road so the fact that I have three beautiful healthy kids is winning for me. I believe you make your own luck and I’ve worked hard to create opportunities for myself so I guess I’m proud of what I’ve done to date.

What was a major turning point in your life?

About 15 years ago I got very sick, I had permanent headaches for six months. I went for MRI scans and tests and it turns out it was all stress-related. I had to really look at what was working for me and what wasn’t. I still operate in the fast lane sometimes but I’m better equipped to deal with stress now and I know the triggers.

What are you looking forward to?

A good knees-up with friends, seeing my parents, who I haven’t seen for 8 months, travelling, a cocktail made by someone else, a dinner made by someone else. I just bought a new family-sized tent and I’ve booked a camping trip (pending we’re all let out) which we’re all really looking forward to. We went last year in my husband’s 35-year-old scout tent that he promised would be a lovely ‘cosy’ fit for the five of us. When we arrived at the campsite there was a tent about 15-times bigger than ours beside us for a family of four and another smaller one (the same size as ours) for their dog! It was definitely a ‘cosy’ weekend, one never to be repeated.

Are you a good friend?

I think so. I’m fiercely loyal and would do anything for my friends but I think it works both ways. I have an amazing bunch of pals but you get out what you put in.

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

The simplicity of nature or giggling with the kids, belly laughs with friends or random acts of kindness, music. I love the sea so always feel at peace when I’m near it. For work, I’m always pouring over magazines, Instagram, Pinterest but inspiration can come from anything: nature, travelling, and lately I’m on an old movie run – I love some of the set styling and wardrobes.

Any regrets?

I’d like to think every experience we have forms us in some way but I can think of a few ‘moments’ I could return to and ‘revise’. Nothing major but how I handled a situation or a conversation could have been done better but then this was when I was much younger and I guess the very fact that I’m thinking about it now means I’ve learnt something from those situations.

What are you afraid of?

When my kids are scared I tell them there’s nothing to fear but fear itself. It helps loosen its grip but I get anxious around the idea of losing loved ones. One of my best friends died of cancer two years ago and it still aches, I miss her every single day and the worst part is it’s all out of our control. Cancer is scary. Also tsunamis. I have a recurring nightmare that there’s a tsunami coming and I’m racing for higher ground. I’ve no idea what that symbolises but giant waves scare the bejaysus out of me.

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Health, happiness and time. Spending time with family and friends, I think we all miss that right now. My dad always says your health is your wealth, without it we have nothing and he’s right. My kids and their wellbeing, my wellbeing and figuring out a balance to life that makes us all happy with the time to enjoy it.

Favourite book, and why?

I actually loved all the Harry Potter books but with the risk of sounding like an eight-year-old, I should probably choose something a bit more grown-up. I loved Olive Kitteridge for its raw and uncomfortable moments as much as for the tiny bits of joy. The last book I read was Where the Crawdads Sing which really moved me.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

This is probably the hardest question to answer as there are so many. I don’t usually listen to music when I’m writing as it’s too distracting with the exception of the soundtrack to the movie The Royal Tenenbaums; it’s got a dreamy, mellow vibe. I’m a child of the 70s so anything from that era really but Under Pressure by Bowie and Mercury is a brilliant tune (perhaps that’s a reflection of my life!). Moments of Pleasure Kate Bush, Blackbird The Beatles… I could go on and on.

Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)

I watched Marley and Me with the kids recently and they were comforting me at the end. I’ve seen it before so I know what happens but every time…

How do you draw on your own inner strength and creativity?

I get outside and try to clear my brain from the ‘noise’. I connect with like-minded friends or nature.

What are your feelings on this new Covid world we find ourselves in now?

It’s hairy but I try to keep it in the day and the moment or my juggernaut brain might explode with the potential of what could happen. I focus on what’s in front of me for the day and what I need to get me through it, staying creative at home has really helped me.

Are you fulfilled?

In one way, yes but I’m a planner so ultimately no! I love creating so it’s nice to feel there’s still more to come. I’m currently looking at the various tester paints I’ve slapped all over my bedroom wall in the hopes it might stir me to finish the damn job… always looking ahead.

Orla Neligan in conversation with Ellie Balfe, May 2021

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In Her Heyday: Orla Neligan