12 minute read

Margaret and I have never met, but we talk to one another on Instagram. At this point, I can’t quite remember how we ended up following each other and how then, in turn, Margaret came across HEYDAY too. From so far away, and through this digital experience, we have become friends of sorts.

We write to each other in email, she sends me pictures of pies she makes, we talk about Imposter Syndrome and the nonsense of it, she suggests marvellous ideas for HEYDAY and she wonders with me how to make it vibrant and interactive (a happy hour on Zoom anyone?!). This week she emailed me a picture of a letter she has sent me - en route by snail mail, with gorgeous lettering in the words of my address. We may never meet as she’s on the other side of the world, but I’d love to one day. It’s hard to explain without sounding a bit ick and odd, but there’s just something about Margaret…

It’s her energy, her attitude to life after her husband died (she made a Tumblr - I read it all and cried - it is beautiful), her independence of spirit. The way she signs off emails with “Ad astra per aspera! To the stars with difficulty!”

It’s the amount of life in her…

She is a woman so fully and firmly in her heyday - at 72. And so, please meet the marvellous Margaret McInerny, who is, as she says herself, “still kicking life in the face!”

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Curious, Creative, Resourceful.

How are you? Really.

Truthfully I’m quite dishevelled and scattered. Thanks for asking! New apartment and I’m still in the ninth circle of moving hell. I’ve been here six weeks and why isn’t art hung, boxes unpacked, the furniture perfectly arranged? No window coverings yet and my mattress is on the floor. #hobolife

What is on your mind most these days?

I just bought this apartment! It’s the first place I’ve owned by myself without my late husband, Steve. (Late husband. Isn’t that a strange term? He always was punctual.) I’m still mourning the loss of “the house” and pondering my ever-shrinking footprint. Is 1190 sq. ft enough room for one human? I think so. I own it which is more than many have so I’ll quit whining.

What is the last thing that you said no to?

Good grief. I need to start saying, “No, I don’t have time for that now.” My birthday and our anniversary are four days apart. We celebrated my 60th and our 35th anniversary in 2009 with a massive party. Bring on the 60s. But my 70s! Limited time is staring me in the face. I’ll be savouring time and saying “no” a lot more.

What is the last thing you said yes to?

A second Negroni even though I should have said no!

How old are you?

I am 72. (Hear my guttural cry.)

How many things have you been in your life so far? (outline the path)

So many! Daughter. Wife. Mother. Auntie. Gentle readers, how much time do you have?

The 1970s and early 80s were pre-Human Resource Dept. I never filled out an application or interviewed. I had luck and connections on my side. Honestly, I never gave a thought to a “career.” I worked because it was necessary. “Starter” jobs eventually turned into a real career.

Here’s the highlight reel.

I was a cashier in a fancy liquor store downtown. Two guys came infrequently and we had conversations as I rang up their beer. “Hey, are you interested in a more challenging job? We need a Production Coordinator. You interested?” I was pretty sure they weren’t perverts so off I went. In spite of the beer, we remain friends.

When their business went belly up (maybe too much beer?), they referred me to the Creative Director at Target Corp. I was hired as a paste-up artist (formerly known as a keyliner). The trend setting discount retailer was a plum job! But, oops, here comes baby number two! Maternity leave back then was an unpaid vacation so I poked around for another opportunity.

Someone told someone who told me that Cy DeCosse was hiring. Off I waddled eight months pregnant with NO PORTFOLIO other than Target Circulars. I met with the man himself. The famous Cy! Visionary and creative legend said “Come on back after you have that baby.” I did and boy, was that job trial by fire. Packaging design for General Mills. Logo design. Photography. And cookbooks. Cy created the first “how to” cookbook format. You know: the beauty shot on one page and 9 step-by-step-how-to on the other. I discovered I really didn’t know much but learned fast.

Pause for a three year break in the action. We moved out of state. When we returned I was the Studio Manager for an Editorial & Fashion Photography Studio (#bestjob). Scheduling shoots. Booking models. Prop shopping. And monthly three-hour studio lunches at a fancy restaurant. Call me a cab, please!

Another break in the action for baby #3 and #4. Working and child-wrangling? Freelance Project Management was the answer — catalogs, managing photoshoots and anything full-time creatives didn’t want to dirty their hands with. When Steve decided to go freelance and write infomercials it was my turn to take a full-time job. Full disclosure: Steve worked at Carmichael Lynch and as he went out the door, I went in. They needed a Senior Project manager for the Harley Davidson Motorclothes catalog. I ended up as the Director of Project Management. Eight years of managing people instead of projects made me a lunatic. So, “I QUIT!”

A former colleague of Steve’s was running an agency and enticed me to come work. It was a former production house that was trying to grow up to a creative shop. A duck masquerading as a swan and it was a tough challenge. I lasted seven years. I was only hanging on for the health insurance. Steve would be eligible for Medicare in December 2014 and then I’d be done. Yay! Things didn’t quite work out that way.

He got an unexpected cancer diagnosis in June 2014 and he died in October of that year. I did quit in December and called in sick on my last day. I didn’t retire. I quit. I think it sounds more assertive.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

Birth order — the invisible influence on my life. Third oldest in a tribe of nine. Six brothers and two sisters. Oldest Daughter, Surrogate Mother, and Caretaker. That’s me! The expectations and mores of the mid-1960s also shaped me. Dads went to work and mothers were “homemakers.” Boys played sports and girls went to dance class. It was a binary world. And then . . . 1969 and everything changed. Social and political upheaval. I went from a traditional all-girls Catholic school to sex and drugs and rock ’n roll. Interesting times!

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

My working life: Definitely. I worked with some of the best designers, art directors, writers, and photographers in Minneapolis. I hired and mentored some talented young women who have grown into successful careers. It’s so wonderful to see their success. Made some lifelong friends with some of the fiercest women in the business. I wouldn’t change a thing.

Personally, though, am I where I thought I’d be? Definitely not.

I never ever dreamed that I’d be a widow at 65. When we married in 1974 I thought, “I’ll be 75 on our 50th anniversary!” It didn’t quite turn out that way. I have always fully occupied the present. #widowlife wasn’t in the plan but I’m dealing with it. I’ve travelled more in the last seven years than the rest of my life. I got off my ass and put on trainers and managed to run three NYC half-marathons without cardiac arrest. I’m a half-assed matriarch to a tribe of 18. Life is good.

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

Best: “Don’t worry about the other guy” and “Convert to cash.” Thanks, Dad!

Worst: “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” This is FAKE ADVICE.

I have been a quitter and there is absolutely nothing wrong with throwing in the towel and saying “See ya. This isn’t right for me.” What are you thinking of quitting?!

What did midlife feel like to you?

If midlife is your 40s and 50s? Well, those are two of my favorite decades. Our marriage had weathered some storms and financial messes. Steve had a good freelance thing going. Family life veered between control and chaos the kids were alright! I survived the learning curve of my 20s and 30s. Midlife felt satisfying. I was confident, capable, and project management came naturally to me. Managing creative teams, negotiating deadlines —I was good at it. Maybe a side benefit of life in big family? I loved wrangling a big, gnarly, complicated project and getting s**t done. I still like it, only now I’m wrangling my projects. Anyone need help?

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? Are you going to do it?

I am a complete cliche! I’d like to spend months and months in the West of Ireland. Steve worked for YEARS tracing his family to Co. Clare: Kilkee and Kilrush. He even found rental land records where McInerneys farmed. He died before he could see all these places. What a ripoff! Thanks to Imen McDonnell I found my way to Kilkee and then to the Kilferagh Graveyard. McInerny graves! But then there are the Farleys, the Gleasons, the Nolans. My people. I need time.

Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed you or given you a new perspective? And what changed after that?

Death. (Sorry for the ticket to Bummerville.) Nothing will reset your priorities like the sucker punch of losing someone you love.

“a photo of me with my mentor, the amazing Cy DeCosse (a serendipitous meeting in Florence)”

People talk a lot about pivoting these days, of all the switches or big changes you've made, which has been the most powerful for you personally?

The pivot! Reminds me of basketball! The offensive player keeps one foot planted and rotates looking for the shot or pass! Don’t you just love a sports analogy?

The pivot point is firmly planted in the present — the play is your future — your best option to move ahead. My pivot? I left Target Corp. and worked for Cy DeCosse, Assoc. a design, packaging, and publication agency. Cy was a creative force in the ad community in Minneapolis (and an artist and flutist to boot) and the biggest influence on my working life. He took a chance on me and made it possible for me to earn a living and have a career. He’s now 92 and still living a creative life.

Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking?

A tsunami. So many things to explore. I’m always asking, “what if . . . “ I am a dabbler. Drawing and painting. Block printing. Letterpress. I’m not having a gallery show anytime soon, but it’s terribly entertaining.

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

The world of work HAS improved for women since I was a working mother in the 1970s and 80s. Back then:

Maternity leave was “vacation” + unpaid time.

Child care? UGH. So hard to find a qualified provider. If you were lucky it was like finding Willy Wonka’s Golden Ticket.

Pumping breast milk at work? Get those engorged bosoms to a closet!

Flexible hours or working from home were simply not allowed.

The smart young women I wanted to hire were having NONE OF THE ABOVE. They asked/pushed for what they wanted. I needed them in my department so I kept pushing up the management food chain. Still so much to do.

Family leave, for women and men, is long overdue—new babies, or sick children or caring for parents.

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

I’m curious so I spend a lot of time going down the rabbit hole when something catches my attention. Connecting the dots is fun and it amuses me.

Too little time doing “housework” but I live alone and have a very low bar for neatness.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

All the usual: yoga/walking/blah blah blah. BUT I am significantly happier and less stressed because I do not listen to the news. Much.

“it is difficult / to get the news from poems / yet men die miserably every day / for lack / of what is found there.” — William Carlos William.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

Hello Heyday 2.0! So long to the over-scheduled life and the incessant pressure of productivity. Now, at 72, the unscheduled life means anything can happen and probably will and I intend to fully live every damn minute of it. When Heyday 3.0 rolls around at 90 I will definitely report back.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

My chin hairs. Finding a bra that can keep the sisters in place. Perhaps a bra with tiny flying buttresses.

Do you sleep well?

Occasionally. Who has suggestions?

Do you take any supplements or HRT?

Vitamins. I was never offered HRT but from what you all are saying it sounds like crack for menopause. Maybe I can buy it on the street?

What advice would you offer to your younger self?

I would never give my younger self advice because I probably wouldn’t have listened.

What do you love about yourself?

I can go with the flow and I have a high boiling point.

When do you feel truly alive?

Being outside on a Minnesota winter day. Temperature: -0º F. (or colder!) A fierce wind and snow assaulting my face.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

A substantial 40-year marriage and raising four interesting humans with production assist and art direction from Stephen J. McInerny.

What was a major turning point in your life?

Marriage. I met Steve in 1969 when he was fresh out of the Marine Corps and a tour of duty in Vietnam. I was a hippie-dippie tumbling through space. It took us five years to work it all out and the imminent arrival of a baby hastened the nuptials. Typical.

What are you looking forward to?

Peace on earth.

Are you a good friend?

You would have to ask my friends!

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

Strong women are beautiful. I come from a long line of them.

Inspiration? After our dad died in 1993 our mother lived alone in a remote part of Northern Minnesota. She commuted to the University of Minnesota and graduated at 82 with a degree in Studio Arts. She truly bloomed in her 70s and 80s and was creative until the end.

Any regrets?

It has taken me years to get over regrets. I finally realized — regrets are me judging my younger self. My naive, unthinking, impulsive self. So, no regrets. I gave them up for Lent and never looked back.

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Love with a side order of patience, mercy and compassion.

What do you know to be true?

God is love.

Favourite book, and why?

Picking my favorite is like choosing my favorite child — impossible.

Instead, here’s a favorite quote from John Lewis, civil rights leader who died on 17 July 2021. “I say to you, walk with the wind, brothers and sisters, and let the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide.”

Favourite piece of music, and why?

It’s Sunday so Aretha Franklin’s gospel album “One Faith. One Lord. One Baptism.” It feeds my soul and will blow your roof off if you listen to it at full volume.

Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)

I’m like a 4-year old — my emotions are very close to the surface. My oldest daughter, Meghan, went through a tough divorce six years ago. Last winter she met a wonderful guy and they clicked. When she called to tell me they eloped, it was waterworks!

I’m also a car crier, almost daily. #emotionalwreck.

What brings you happiness every day?

My family. Even though they are often my greatest frustration.

Are you fulfilled?

A am full to the brim but know I can squeeze in a bit more.

What advice would you give younger women? (and men)

There are shops full of “self-help” books. I offer reassurance, rather than advice. “You are doing a good job and very thing is going to be alright.” Now let’s sit down and have a nice chat. Tell me everything.”

Ellie Balfe talks to Margaret McInerney, November 2021.