9 minute read

EB: I came across Kerstin as I was building this website. I found her as I was researching how to DIY an online brand and all the behind the scenes, backend techy stuff I needed to get better at in order to take this business from my mind to reality. I was so drawn to the way she spoke of being a woman in business in her 50s. Her calm approach is so appealing to me after years in frenetic, fast media-land and so we connected on Instagram and here we are. Her story is one of intentional meandering, adaptability and calm, centered creativity - enjoy!

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Calm. Empathetic. Creative.

What is on your mind most these days?

A lot of things! Right now mostly: my business, my health journey, the state of the world.

What is the last thing that you said no to?

Someone asking for free technical support. It’s a boundary I had to learn to set.

What is the last thing you said yes to?

A podcast interview.

How old are you?

59.

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

I am an accidental entrepreneur. I’ve been blogging since 2005 and web design quickly became my creative outlet, you could always rely on me to redesign my blogs! I fell in love with Squarespace in 2008 and when a friend asked me to build a new website for her business in 2014 I jumped right in and designed it in Squarespace.

My husband and I had just relocated from England to the US and the plan was for me to find a new job. But then I launched my friend’s website and it was a huge success, so I decided to become a Squarespace web designer instead! I was in my early 50s at the time and that was the best professional decision I ever made. Since then I’ve grown my business from zero to six figures and also pivoted from 1:1 web design to offering online courses in all things Squarespace. I love what I do because it combines my passions for design and teaching.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

Many things! Waitress, bartender, university drop-out, au-pair, hostess at EXPO’86, hotel receptionist, flight attendant, airport check-in agent, airline systems analyst, IT project manager, corporate account manager, director of an online dating site, hotel manager, college secretary, registrar of a British international school, travel agent, web designer, online business educator, creator of the Eule Planner.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

I am the oldest of 3 siblings and 15 cousins. My mum was a working single parent and she let us have a lot of freedom so I was pretty independent from a young age. My sister was born when I was 13 and I helped raise her which also taught me responsibility early on.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

I never had a concrete picture of what I wanted midlife to look like and I certainly didn’t expect to be doing things like starting my own business or buying a plane!

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

Best: Take the Enneagram test. A therapist recommended that 14 years ago and it was very eye-opening. Suddenly so much in my life made sense, it was like watching puzzle pieces falling into place. Which felt a bit like a relief to be honest. (In case you’re curious, I’m a Nine, through and through.)

Worst: Pull yourself together. (From a doc when I was 17 and dealing with panic attacks.)

What does midlife feel like to you?

I found my 50s to be a weird decade. You are not young anymore but not really old yet, either. My body is changing but my mind has a hard time catching up. In my head I’m still in my 30s but then I look in the mirror and see that I’m visibly aging. It’s not a bad feeling, just a bit weird. I love the emotional freedom, confidence and wisdom that comes with midlife.

Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed you or given you a new perspective? And what changed after that?

In my early 40s, I was quite lost in my life and myself. Still reeling from the break-up of a long-term relationship, feeling stuck professionally, struggling with a lot of debt, and no idea where I wanted to go in my life. I decided to at least get on the property ladder and ended up in Bath because I couldn’t afford London where I lived at the time. I bought a tiny top-floor flat in one of the crescents overlooking the river Avon.

I didn’t know anyone in Bath but I immediately felt at home there. I remember spending countless evenings wandering through the cobblestone streets, marveling at the golden glow from the Georgian limestone buildings and feeling such a strong and grounding connection to this city. A lot of healing happened in Bath and ultimately it led me to meet my American husband and be ready for the most wonderful relationship with an amazing man (we’ve been happily married for 17 years).

People talk a lot about pivoting these days, of all the 'switches' you've made, which has been the most powerful change for you personally?

As someone who’s moved around a lot - 35 times in four countries - there have been a lot of pivots, both personally and professionally. One of the most powerful was what we called our Radical Rethink in 2015: My husband and I lived in the UK at the time and through a series of happenstance events we decided to quit our safe jobs, take the modest savings we had and fulfill our longstanding dream of moving to the Pacific Northwest!

We were in our early 50s and it felt risky as hell but we also knew that without risk you cannot create the life you want. So many good things came out of this decision: we settled down in a small town by the sea, purchased a bright and spacious condo that we love, my husband found a great job, I started my own business, and we even bought a little plane to explore our beautiful area with!

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?

Not a milestone as such but I feel very passionate about what I call the Calm Business movement! It’s part of a vision I have for a world where there is no patriarchy or matriarchy, only humanity. A world where gender, colour, and culture exist to enrich and complement our experiences rather than inform our value or place in this world. A world where more leaders support the concept of peace and democracy over greed, power, and egotism. Running our businesses with heart and integrity plays an important role in this world vision and the Calm Business is also an antidote to hustle culture. Now you’ve made me think about creating more tactical milestones for this vision!

Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking in midlife?

Definitely surging. I care less about getting it right and more about just playing and enjoying the process.

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

This is a big question! I think we’ve already made large strides over the last 50+ years but there is still so much more to unpack, unlearn and relearn when it comes to our roles as women in society. I really liked what Anna Lovind said here with regards to our current work and productivity culture:

“It’s time we find a different way of measuring our level of devotion and commitment. The answer is not to never let life affect work, but: To create habits, schedules, and support systems flexible enough to accommodate the way life and work inevitably spill into each other for most of us. To shift our view of work to one that recognizes our full humanity (rather than just our capacity to produce results) and the way it actually feeds into work, rather than takes away from it.”

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

Like so many of us, I spend too much time on-screen and not enough off-screen. But I stopped feeling bad about it because that never helps me make positive changes. Instead, I started setting timers on my watch to take breaks throughout the day for drinking water, going for a walk, making a meal, doing some journaling. Small but surprisingly effective steps.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

As someone who has struggled with obesity for a long time, my self-care is closely linked to my weight as it does affect my physical and mental wellbeing. For me, it’s not so much about diet culture but about unraveling trauma-induced emotional eating habits and improving weight-related health issues through a program I devised for myself. Other wellbeing routines include journaling, long walks and bike rides by the sea, going to the farmer’s market, and spending quality time with my husband, family, and friends.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

Financial worries. I accumulated a lot of debt in my 20s and 30s which resulted in bankruptcy in my early 40s. My attitude towards money has changed a lot since I started my own business in my 50s: I have become more responsible with my finances, I have no debt and a healthy savings account.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

Not so much stress but rather a sense of grief from missing Europe and my family and friends there. I’ve lived abroad most of my adult life and that never bothered me when I was younger. However, these days it feels harder to live so far away from my roots but at the same time I also love the life my husband and I have built here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Living a full life means your heart expands in beautiful ways and I am learning to accept that grief is a part of that, too.

Do you sleep well?

A little better than I used to. My substantial weight gain over the last 15 years has resulted in obstructive sleep apnea which is no fun, especially when coupled with menopausal hot flashes and such! The latter is thankfully getting better and the apnea is being treated and will resolve itself again once I lose a good amount of weight. In the meantime, I’ve also discovered the Calm app and its sleep stories! As a night owl, I have always had a hard time winding down and putting my mind to rest. But thanks to Calm I now fall asleep within minutes of listening to Cillian Murphy’s soft Irish accent or Harry Style’s soothing voice. I’m a little shocked at how effective it is because falling asleep has always been such a struggle for me. I am super grateful for this discovery.

Do you take any supplements or HRT?

I’ve never done HRT, I just kinda put up with the peri/menopause symptoms. They were cyclical for me and there was always enough relief in between cycles to not make me want to go down the HRT route. Right now I take collagen, vitamin D, black elderberry syrup, grapefruit seed oil, and magnesium.

What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

Don’t diet and save money.

Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?

Many times. I’ve always been a go-with-the-flow kind of person, happy to follow the wind and see where it takes me. This has afforded me many wonderful adventures but it has also meant that I never really thought about what *I* wanted from my life. This is, for instance, why I never had children. I totally left that up to chance and chance never put me on that path. That time in Bath I mentioned above was probably the most pivotal in this regard. Buying my own place and living on my own terms somewhere that made me feel so grounded and connected helped me find my way back to myself.

When do you feel truly alive?

When I feel my fears and do it anyway.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

Starting my own business in my early 50s and making a success of it.

What are you looking forward to?

My brother’s and nephews’ visit this summer.

Are you a good friend?

I’m an easy-going friend who doesn’t judge and who loves deep meaningful conversations as well as having fun and sharing adventures. I’ve known most of my friends for decades and they know I’m always there for them.

Any regrets?

I don’t believe in regrets. What’s done is done, I learn from it and move on.

What are you afraid of?

Wars, tornadoes, and bears.

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Relationships, community, and being kind and compassionate.

Favourite book, and why?

Any of the Wallander books by Henning Mankell. I’ve read them in their German translations many times and they are exceptionally well written, exploring society’s underbelly from the perspective of one flawed and deeply human detective. They are dark yet strangely comforting, and they get under my skin, every time.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

In The Garden by Van Morrison. It’s a beautiful song that gives me all the feels.

Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)

Watching the last few minutes of Jonna Jinton’s beautiful winter video where she pays tribute to her followers from Ukraine. It made me cry.

How do you draw on your own inner strength and creativity?

By remembering my inner strength and creativity.

What are your feelings on this new Covid world we find ourselves in now?

I think the pandemic has uncovered a lot of society’s darker side, and that as well as all the suffering and hardship have been hard to witness. But I also believe that Covid, and the internet, have accelerated new opportunities for us to create lives and careers that are more in harmony with our personalities, family situations and desires. While we all want to go back to ‘normal’ I do hope that we will continue to redefine what this ‘normal’ means for us and a fairer and kinder world.

Are you fulfilled?

In many ways, I feel like I am finally coming into my own, like everything is falling into place as it was always meant to, only I didn’t see that until now. I will never stop having ideas and trying new things and making changes – that’s what makes me feel alive – but there is also a deep sense of fulfillment and inner peace that comes from knowing I am in the right place, right now.

Ellie Balfe talks to Kerstin Martin, March 2022.