Untitled design - 2021-10-15T204922.377.png

7 minute read

Breeda is a social entrepreneur, the founder of the Midlife Women Rock Project and Cafés, a psychology and sociology graduate, a mum of four and now an author. Her book, Midlife Women Rock launches on October 20th and we can’t wait to read it here at Heyday HQ as we are adamant that the more voices we hear from women in midlife, about midlife, the better!

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Optimist, Practical, and open-minded.

What is on your mind most these days?

Menopause, menopause, menopause - it's Menopause Awareness Month after all.

What is the last thing that you said no to?

A night in Kelly’s Hotel in Rosslare with a gang of women in November. My mother’s 85th birthday has to take precedence.

What is the last thing you said yes to?

Joining a large organisation in the UK that work in menopause.

How old are you?

55 and feeling fabulous.

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

I see a huge injustice to midlife women when it comes to menopause. Muting women, shame, and menopause have been synonymous for decades. There is no preparation, no education, or widely accessible information and support thus far, so many are in crisis. The taboo has to be removed to assist women to thrive through these years.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

Daughter, sister, friend, student nurse, midwife, wife, mother, public health nurse, Children’s writer, mother of 4 by the time I reached 40. Psychology graduate 2018. Founder of the Midlife Women Rock Project and cafés 2019, Volunteer with St Vincent DePaul, Sociology Masters graduate 2020. New book: Midlife Women Rock: A Menopause Story for a New Generation published at the end of October 2021.

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

Eldest, yes, was always the responsible one.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

Had no real plan, my youngest child Will is 17, the older three have flown the nest. When number three Aly was about to leave, I returned to full-time education to study psychology, having been at home full time for almost 10 years. It was one of the scariest and best decisions I have made in the past ten years.

What is the best, and worst piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

Best has to be: follow your fear, step outside your comfort zone and observe what happens, and the worst: age can limit us - a complete myth. I love a quote from Helen Mirren “Age is but a number and maths was never my thing.”

What does midlife feel like to you?

A reset…I feel I am just getting started with this next phase of my life. Motherhood was my priority for the past 30 years. Now my children are independent, I can refocus and look at the opportunities and second chances that present themselves as we reach midlife. Mindset is huge here, our thoughts and how we see ourselves massively impact how we feel at Midlife.

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time? What is it? Are you going to do it?

Yes, returning to study. I have done it. A friend of mine and I have dared one another to jump from an airplane-parachuting over the next year….the thought of it fills me with fear but we will see!

Has there been a place, event, or experience that has transformed you or given you a new perspective? And what changed after that?

Reading the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. It emboldened me to move outside my comfort zone and return to education.

People talk a lot about pivoting these days, of all the 'switches' you've made or recommend, which has been the most powerful change for you personally?

Finding the courage to return to education at 49 years. Although not easy initially, it has been life-changing.

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your personal or professional life at the moment?

Getting my book out into the world - nearly there.

Do you feel your creativity is surging or sinking in midlife?

Definitely surging, I can hardly believe that I have written a book.

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

Covid has highlighted the need for more women to be involved in decision-making and leadership. Childcare review is essential. The recent Citizen’s Assembly recommendations and the National Women’s Council of Ireland are great forums in advocating for women. Women need to continue using their voices for change.

What do you spend too much time doing? And what do you spend too little doing?

Probably watching Netflix during lockdowns although it is a great way to get the family together on a Saturday night. Too little: My garden is speaking to me presently and needs to be tidied before the temperature drops in November.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

I love walking my dog daily and I really enjoy a game of tennis two or three times a week.

What do you feel free of now that you are at this life stage?

Worrying less about what people think..definite shift.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

Trying to get the book completed and on online by the end of October Menopause awareness month.

Do you sleep well?

Yes, I could sleep anywhere. I have always been a good sleeper.

Do you take any supplements or HRT?

I took magnesium, sage, and vitamin D when I was experiencing symptoms for about 18 months. I added HRT (gel and micronized progesterone) to my toolkit 6 months ago as I have a family history of osteoporosis.

What advice would you offer to yourself in your 20’s, 30’s and 40’s?

In my 20’s: Continue having fun - as student nurses we travelled, partied and enjoyed life.

30’s: Relax and be kinder to ourselves. As a mum of 4, I often went about on autopilot.

40’s: Reflection. You have done your best so far. Time to really look after you.

Did you ever feel lost in your life path? How did you find your way again?

Yes, when I look back in my mid 40’s I was uneasy, returning to college quelled this uneasiness within.

What do you love about yourself?

My ability to laugh at myself, I try not to take life too seriously.

When do you feel truly alive?

When walking by the sea in Tramore. Also, family dinners when all 6 of us get together around the table often loudly chatting and debating. It happens a lot more infrequently now so I really cherish it.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

My 4 children. They are lovely human beings to be around.

What was a major turning point in your life?

The loss of one of my best friends Maura at 22 years old. We had completed our nurse training together and she died from Leukemia.

What are you looking forward to?

I don’t plan too far ahead. We lived in Melbourne 20 years ago,and have kept in contact with 3 wonderful families there. It would be fabulous to return on holiday, over the next 2 to 3 years.

Are you a good friend?

I try to be, my friends from my teens and 20's, mainly nurses, have all reconnected over the last 10 years as our children have grown. We now have an annual reunion in Limerick, menopause is a hot topic!!I have tennis friends, book club friends here in Waterford, continuing being social is important as we move through midlife.

What in life is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

We take so much for granted I feel. Covid has taught me to step back and see how wonderful nature is to us. Everything is free: the forests, parks, seas. I find most of my inspiration when out in nature.

Any regrets?

No, I don’t do regrets.

What are you afraid of?

My children becoming very ill.

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Looking after oneself, we cannot give the best version of ourselves to others without prioritising our own needs first. Family is also really important.

Favourite book, and why?

So many but I am choosing A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.It was one of our first book club reads- Mariam and Laila’s story of life under the Taliban in Kabul stayed with me for a long time after reading.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

Everything about The Greatest Showman and anything by U2 or Enya apart from them being Irish I love their lyrics.

Last time you cried (tears of joy count!)

I re-watched The Shawshank Redemption recently. It always has me in tears.

How do you draw on your own inner strength and creativity?

I feel grateful to still be here at 55 not everyone makes it. Creativity is a superpower we can tap into as we move through our meno years.It’s in the literature.

What are your feelings on this new Covid world we find ourselves in now?

I honestly have not had time to fully reflect as yet the book has kept me busy.I feel it will be something to ponder upon as the years end.

Are you fulfilled?

Getting there… traveling through the perimenopause and menopause opens up opportunities for us as women to go within and really find what is truly important to us at midlife. We need to understand the four dimensions of the menopause journey - I talk about them in my book.There is much truth in self- awareness being a superpower. The anger and injustice I feel around what has happened in the silencing of women’s voices for decades around this time in life is hugely motivating. Working with women travelling through these years is very fulfilling.

Questions: Ellie Balfe & Answers: Breeda Bermingham