Helen James is a multi-faceted, multi-talented woman, as most of us are. She turned 50 in recent weeks, and she radiates a certain peace and presence that is the signature of a woman in her heyday. With a career featuring creativity in many forms - spanning design, food, drama and writing - and an attitude of openness, Helen’s stories are illuminating. To explore the essence of her, I asked her 36 questions. Here are her answers…

Which three adjectives describe you best?

Creative, Tenacious, Loyal.

What is on your mind these days?

At the beginning of this year I wrote the word “ADVENTURE” on a piece of paper and stuck it up on my bedroom wall. Late last year I realised I was craving it and decided this year I would say yes to things that scared me and push through some self-inflicted walls. Of course, Covid-19 has turned that on its head but I also feel like this time has given me more than it has taken. The quiet space has allowed me to really take a look at my life and what matters and where I focus my attention.

What is the last thing that you said no to?

I suffer from a major case of people-pleasing, so I’m working on it…

What is the last thing you said yes to?

I recently asked a friend who owns a bakery in Copenhagen if I could go and do a stage there for a week. The thought of it terrified me. I am an amateur baker and putting myself in that situation is way out of my comfort zone, hence why I decided it was exactly what I needed to do. Obviously, I have had to postpone the plan for now, but hopefully, it will happen in the not too distant future

What made you decide to do what you are now doing in your life?

Honestly, this question makes it sound like I had a plan and I can assure you I did not. What I did have were courage, tenacity and children to feed. I always say Money is a great motivator, the need to earn a living has pushed me to places that I am sure I would not have ventured without that need.

How many things have you been in your life so far?

I am, of course, a Mother, and that really is the beginning and end to everything that comes after you make that transition. For me the absoluteness of that was shocking. You can't take a week off no matter what, once you become a mother you are forever altered.

Professionally speaking, I guess my path began when I moved to New York in the early nineties. That move brought with it immense freedom. I had studied textile design in college and worked in that field in a very conservative cotton company uptown for a while but then decided there was so much more to be explored. I left a well paid pensionable job, got a shift in a bar so I knew my rent would be paid. I formed a theatre group with some friends, acted, sang on stage, was a drummer in a band, painted, had an exhibition, went back to college to study stop-motion animation, worked in that for a while and then one day decided to start exploring textiles again but with this new creative freedom, I had unleashed. I had a friend make a wooden board for the top of my bath and started printing on it, when I had a pile I took them up to Donna Karan where I had previously worked for a bit and they bought them and hired me to develop them into t-shirts, scarves etc. I freelanced for them for a few years, then one day I decided I wanted to make an end product so I printed some scarves and took them to a store beside where I lived in the East Village, she took them on sale or return and 2 days later I walked past the shop and the entire window was my stuff. That gave me the encouragement to go to another store and it grew from there. After Sept 11th we decided to come back to Ireland and a friend brought some stuff into Costume in Castlemarket. They became not only great friends but incredible supporters for me. For 8 years I had a Fashion label that sold in top boutiques around Ireland and around the world including Harvey Nichols, I had a UK agent and things were booming here, but the bigger I got the less money I seemed to have. I made a lot of mistakes and ended up a busy fool and lost my passion. That was a great lesson. The crash in 2008 sunk me but to be honest I stepped away gladly even if financially it was pretty devastating.

Then we decided to return to New York. My then-husband and our 3 children were 1, 9 and 11 years old. I went back to Donna Karan but this time to Homewares. We were there for nearly 2 years and I can honestly say that it was the most challenging time in my life. We returned to Ireland in 2011. I had no job to come home to but I had faith it would fall into place. The Thursday before we left New York a friend called me to say he was talking to a fellow parent in his kids’ school who worked at Avoca and they were looking for a designer. I landed Saturday, interviewed with Avoca on Thursday and started work the following Monday. I loved that time working up in the mill in Wicklow. It was the perfect contrast to Brooklyn life and felt so nourishing for my soul and creativity. After a year Avoca was making some tough decisions and financially they had to reduce my hours. I was then approached by Dunnes who were looking for a creative director for the homewares department. They offered me the job and asked if I would also be interested in creating a brand for them. I went in and built a design team in homewares and came up with the concept for Considered which launched a year later. I then transitioned out of homewares to concentrate completely on my own brand

Where do you come in your family, and did this have any influence on you?

I am a middle child, but I am the only girl and the only female in my father's family for 2 generations. So I always felt incredibly special but very comfortable in male company. I do believe placement and sibling gender has an effect on you. I like to try to guess now when I meet people.

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

I really had no plan. Honestly, I never thought when I am this age I must have achieved this, maybe I should have. I am a strong believer in living in the moment. But I think my younger self would be pretty proud of what I have achieved. There are areas I still need to work on but all in good time.

What is the best, (and worst) piece of advice you have received in your life so far?

I remember when I had my own business, people would always be giving me advice which involved me spending my money and I took it often. I would be much wiser now about every penny. The best piece of advice is “one day at a time”. Constantly bringing myself back to the present moment has been one of the most liberating practices I have learnt.

What does midlife feel like to you?

It feels like freedom. The last twenty years have been such a juggle trying to keep showing up for work, for the kids, for my failing marriage, for two transatlantic moves, for my divorce... I feel like I have come to a point where I can show up for myself and that is exciting. My children are becoming young adults and with that certainly comes a greater freedom. I am looking forward to new adventures.

Is there something you have dreamt of doing for a long time?

Honestly, I made a decision to stop doing so much about three years ago when I finished my book “A Sense of Home”. Between parenting, filming a television show, moving to Dublin, working full time, writing a book and separating a marriage, life was pretty full-on. I just started saying no to things. It was necessary for my mental health. I was able to add yoga, sea swimming, living really to my life and I am thoroughly enjoying that, although I have been throwing around the idea of doing French lessons. I think it will be on my to-do list for 2021. There are also many places I would like to travel to. I hope to get to them when it's possible.

Has there been a place that has transformed you?

It would have to be New York. When I went there in 1993 I remember feeling such liberation from the fact that nobody knew what school I went to, or what postcode I grew up in. The small-town mentality of Ireland melted away and everything and anything seemed possible. New Yorkers take you as you present yourself, and are completely unthreatened by whoever that may be. I felt a real lack of judgement and felt only support and inclusion. I hope I assimilated some of that and still carry it with me.

What is something you love now, that you couldn’t imagine you would like in the past?

Spending time on my own. I went through so much of my life being attached to somebody else that it became so wrapped up in my identity. The thought of being on my own terrified me even though I actually had no awareness around this. I've been single now for quite a while and while it would be lovely to meet someone I have found such joy in my own company.

Is there a milestone you are working towards in your life at the moment?

Buying a home.

How do you think the world of work can improve for women?

I think the first change that needs to happen is flexibility, but I truly believe that we need to change the conversation. It needs to change for everybody. Freedom for women only comes about with the support of our male counterparts. Equality means changing the rules for everybody not just for women. I remember doing interviews ten years ago and people would ask “how do you do it ?” and say things like “aren’t you amazing doing this and having small kids” Yes ! I am and yes it was tough, but my husband at the time was a musician and travelled a lot for work, not once was he asked “how do you juggle three children and a career?” and no one ever said to him “oh well done, you are amazing for raising three kids and working at the same time”.
It's a struggle but it should NOT be the woman's struggle.

What do you spend too much time doing?

I spend way too much time judging myself. I’m working on it, trying to catch that voice in the head, the constant drone of judgment, detach it and let it go.

How do you care for your own wellbeing?

This is something I pay more attention to than ever before. I have begun to become aware of how I react and am affected by daily practices. I meditate every day and it has had a profound effect on my well being. If there was one thing I would recommend then this would be it . I have heard many people say “I can’t meditate, my mind just races “ but that is meditation - it’s the practice of continually pulling that racing mind back to your breath - that is the work. It strengthens the muscle. I also practice yoga, walk a lot and I am conscious of what I eat, in that I am aware of what makes me feel good - sometimes that is a burger, sometimes its a plate of kale and quinoa. It's all about balance and conscious decisions.

What do you feel free of, now that you are at this life stage?

I certainly feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin. I care less about the opinions of others and trust myself more and more. Learning to listen to myself - to switch off my mind and pay attention to what my body is telling me - has brought me so much peace and wisdom.

What gives you the most stress at this life stage?

I don’t own my own home at the moment and that is something I think about. I also think about my mother and how she is approaching the final stage of her life. But I would say these are things I am conscious of rather than stressed about.

Do you sleep well?

Generally, yes although I can have issues. I am very sensitive when it comes to sleep; I wear earplugs and an eye mask every night. I have become much better at being able to calm my mind, and thus enable sleep, but sometimes my nervous system gets the better of me . I try not to stress about it now as I know I can function very well on very little sleep,but only for a day or two.

What advice would you offer to your younger self?

I feel like advice needs to be experienced to be useful, so I'm not sure I could say anything that I would have listened to. I'm sure I was given plenty that rolled off me until I went through it for myself. This is something I am conscious of as a parent too. You have to allow your kids to make mistakes while holding them and not saying “I told you so”.

Did you ever feel lost on your life path? How did you find your way again?

Certainly, the first moment that springs to mind was when my business went under in 2008. I had been lost for a while before that but couldn't see how to get out. The collapse was a release. I found my way by taking action. I decided to go back to New York. I booked a flight and asked a friend if I could stay with her for two weeks. She called me a week later and said she had been asked to do a freelance job for Donna Karan in those two weeks but she couldn't do it, so could I do it instead? I did, and on the first day, they told me they were looking for someone full time. I said to myself “they are going to hire me”, so I went the next day and enrolled the kids in a school in Brooklyn and started looking for apartments. I came home to Ireland, packed up our house in three weeks and we left for Brooklyn. They did give me the job, but I didn't have a full-time contract for another three months. The point is do something, take action, it's the best way to shift your energy.

What do you love about yourself?

My sense of humour. The ability to laugh at oneself and life can help get you through the worst of times. I also love my creativity. It is so intrinsically linked to my identity I can't imagine being myself without it.

When do you feel truly alive?

I love dancing but don’t get the opportunity as much as I'd like, although I do dance alone in my bedroom a lot. I also love sea swimming, there is nothing like a freezing dip to make you consciously aware of living in the present moment. The things that bring me joy are travel, cooking, baking, pottering around in the garden, picking fresh flowers, time with friends, hanging with my kids and getting into bed early with tea and dark chocolate. Oh God! I sound ancient, I swear I’m great craic too.

What do you consider your biggest achievement?

I am really proud of my three boys and the friendship I now have with their Dad. Navigating teenage boys in Dublin while going through a divorce and working full time was not a walk in the park. There were days when I felt like I was hanging on by a thread. Good friends, family and taking care of myself got me through but there were some challenging times. Professionally speaking, I would have to say Considered, my range at Dunnes Stores.
I love what I do. It was a winding road to get here but feels like where I was supposed to land.

What was a major turning point in your life?

When I was twenty one my father was arrested for embezzling items from The Chester Beatty Library where he was the Islamic curator. In a matter of twenty-four hours, my whole family’s life ended and began again along a completely different path. It was devastating. He went to prison. My family fell apart emotionally and financially. A year later I left for New York. I ran away for sure, but New York offered me freedom and I grabbed it ferociously.

What are you looking forward to in the coming months?

Travel, and seeing friends and family, while lockdown has been a moment for self-reflection which I have embraced, I do truly miss getting together with the ones I love and am loved by.

Are you a good friend?

I was thinking about this recently because I had a big birthday (50!) and even though we were in lockdown, I received such love from my friends and family which made me think I must be a good friend because otherwise, these people wouldn’t be such good friends to me! The quality of your friendship is a two-way street, like everything in life, you get out what you put in.

What in life is beautiful to you?

Nature, love, friendship, music, creativity. I find inspiration all around me all the time. From Instagram to my garden, to a beach. I do believe it is important to give yourself downtime as a creative. You cannot keep taking from the well - you have to fill it up. That can mean different things for different people.

Any regrets?

There are some things I may have done differently if I had the choice to go back. But regrets seem like a waste of energy. I'm more interested in making the right choices going forward than looking back at what has passed. I like the saying “don't look back you're not going that way “, I even put it on a mug!

Knowing what you know now, what is most important in life?

Love, Love, Love.
Sounds corny, but it’s the truth.

What makes you feel at home?

Peace and quiet.

Favourite book, and why?

I have many, but for a very long time, it was The Passion by Jeanette Winterson. I was always a massive fan of magical realism and the picture she paints in that book captivated me in a way no previous book had. I felt connected to it, and her. I think it was also the timing which was the mid-nineties and a time of great freedom and liberation for me along with some serious heartbreak and subsequent independence for the first time in my life.
But in terms of life-changing, it has to be A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It opened a portal for me; the idea that we do not need to be controlled by our ego and can detach from negative emotions was a turning point for me in terms of mental health.

Favourite piece of music, and why?

I would have to say Hounds of Love, the album by Kate Bush. I listened to it on repeat on my walkman for years. My father introduced me to her, and I used to play his vinyl of Never for Ever and throw myself around the living room wailing. I got to see her play in London in 2014 and I almost passed out. It was the year after my father had died and I went with my two brothers. When she came out onto the stage I had such a visceral reaction I started sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. I kept thinking- ‘Helen! GET IT TOGETHER or you will be taken out on a stretcher and miss the concert.’ Obviously, it was all wrapped up in grieving for my father and a certain time of my life. It's a funny story now but it was incredibly intense to experience.

Last time you cried?

The last time I truly sobbed was Dec 11th 2019, the day my divorce came through. I sat on my bed and sent a text to my ex. He replied with such kind words I just broke down and started sobbing. We first separated 8 years ago so it's been a long road. It was such a release. I remember trying to swallow the tears and then saying, No let it go, let it out… if ever there was a time to just release the tears then this is it. I sobbed for about an hour and woke up the next day renewed and released.

Any tattoos?

Yes, several. The most recent says Fluctuat Nec Mergitur, which means ‘she is tossed, but never sunk’. It is the motto of the city of Paris. The sailors would write it on their boats coming up the Seine. I got it two years ago, it seemed fitting.

All images represent Helen’s favourite things…
Follow her on Instagram @ Helen James