Friendship Fail

4 minute read

As we grow, just like everything else in life, our friendships change, often drastically. Careers, romantic relationships, children, and a lower tolerance to having to leave our comfy sofa to go meet friends sets in – for all of us. I smile slightly when I see my stepdaughter, a 12-year-old girl return from school only to quickly do her homework and then go out to meet the same friend(s) who she saw in every single class that day, or how often they call each other and spend hours talking or gaming together. Their tolerance and desire to hang out with friends at that age is both beautiful and slightly frightening to see. I don’t think I could sum up the energy!

After 40, whether because of meeting my now-husband, my very advanced pregnancy, or just pure laziness, I can’t say that I am willing to commit to the level of contact of a 12-year-old, despite having wonderful friends. And, as a matter of fact, neither are they. Well, at least not all. They’re busy, we’re busy, and life just goes on.

But what happened to friendships during the pandemic? For most of us alive today, Covid-19 became our first experience with an almost apocalyptic event. I say almost apocalyptic because most of us are still here, and we are not living underground while a horde of one-eye monsters rule the surface (sorry, my love of science fiction took me over!). Isolation during lockdown, the disruption of our beloved routines and the need to adapt to new forms of communication on a daily basis have affected us in many ways; and the friendships that survived thrived, and those that died are just another consequence of those imposed restrictions.

If you experienced any loss of friendships or became closer to those friends who were just acquaintances, it might, partially, be the result of how you behaved during the first and second wave of lockdowns and isolation. At least in my amateur and no way expert opinion!

I spent the first lockdown finishing a degree, with online classes, papers, after papers with deadlines, and more deadlines. The constant studying might have protected me from following the news, focusing on the many deaths, and losing myself into despair. It was a very strange time, but I had my own painful tragedies to deal with and Covid-19 was truly an afterthought. I didn’t break the restrictions, and spent 95% of the time inside my house, but somehow, I was protected from overthinking. My mood was normal, and when it was allowed, I met up with friends, without expectations and was simply happy to see them. During the second lockdown, morning sickness took care of me, as in, I was so horribly sick, I couldn’t think of Covid.

But what if you didn’t experience it this way? What if isolation triggered fears, anxieties, and entirely false beliefs in you? How did your close friendships fair?

I sadly witnessed the decay of friendship first-hand during the second lockdown. What began with a cautious respect for the disease, became a continuous fear of being exposed to the virus, even in outside areas eventually devolving into the belief that no one cared. Two, and even perhaps three friendships evaporated within a month, and I firmly believe that Covid-19 was the trigger for a lot of deep-seated insecurities and unnecessary anger. It was as if the virus not only affected people’s lungs but also caused long-term emotional damage. The entire situation was truly sad and frustrating albeit necessary.

Luckily, the pandemic also brought with it a new level of friendship that was also unexpected. It allowed, or perhaps, forced some people to get to know each other better - neighbours for example, and to find common ground within their communities on which to base their friendship.

This is the silver lining for those of us who have been lucky enough to flip a bad situation on its feet and harvest the good out of it.

I, in the end, have decided to accept the cleanse, embrace the sadness, and to welcome what’s yet to come. For those whose friendships have been lost, I hope you find solace in the memories of good times and can find new friendships that will help you survive in a post-Covid world.

Yahaira L. Reyes, July 2021