The End of the Digital Affair

5 minute read

It’s official. The New York Times tells it like it is about social media. Opinion piece: “We Should All Know Less About Each Other.” Michelle Goldberg. NYT. 1 Nov 2021

Goldberg says: “there’s nothing intrinsically good about connection, especially online. On the internet, exposure to people unlike us often makes us hate them, and that hatred increasingly structures our politics.” She comes down hard on Facebook and other social media sites — polarization, social corrosion, and engines of disinformation.

Deep down, I know she speaks the truth. I embraced Facebook when it appeared in 2007. Sure, why not. I was all in. It was all fun and games and sharing what-I-had-for-lunch photos with friends! Friends! I have 649! Then, ever so sneakily and slowly it turned into ads and news feeds and algorithms with more content than I signed up for. The vitriolic political blathering and haters spewing FAKE NEWS eventually ruined it. YOU RUINED IT FB. That's it! I deleted the app from my phone and my account has been languishing ever since.

Let’s go back to the beginning in 2005 when my digital affair began. I was introduced to the wonders of the internet by my web-developer daughter.

“Mom, if you want to learn about the internet you’ve got to use it! Try a blog.” “A what?”

And so I began a relationship with Blogspot that lasted a few years. Random observations. Family stories. Me trying hard to be clever.

I had a serious, but brief, affair with AOL on my shiny new Apple desktop. Transmitting files? Hello, dial-up and a hardware handshake. Chat rooms? My kids were worried.

Twitter wanted to date, but I said, “um, No. you’re not my type.”

In early 2010 my digital-pusher daughter said, “Mom, you should try this new Pinterest site. It’s like a visual bookmark. I think you’ll like it. But you have to ask to get in.” It was like getting into the VooDoo lounge and in I went. I loved it at first. That chair I want. Pin it! How about that wallpaper. Pin it! Then my enthusiasm sputtered when it, too, was all about business and promo.

I fell hard for Tumblr — one of my favourite digital relationships. like that dreamy crush I once had. I’ve always been a closet photographer — Tumblr was my visual diary. Photos and aren’t-I-oh-so-hip comments. I didn’t even care if anyone followed. I was on a roll. And it was fun! If there was obnoxious advertising it went over my head. After my husband died in 2014, I went deep into the netherworld of grief and renamed the Tumblr “A New Normal.“ I slowly surfaced from those dark days — my last entry was five years ago. It’s strange to go back and revisit old digital territory that dates back to 2009. Like suddenly seeing a forgotten dream.

And then. . . then there was Instagram. Another platform courtesy of my daughter in 2011.

“Mom, you might like this. It’s just photos!” Perfect for this social media butterfly. Oh, those lazy, hazy, crazy days before ads and sponsored posts. Before the evil empire Facebook scooped it up. They introduced Stories so I abandoned posts and went straight for the storytelling.

I knew I was spending way too much time in the digital world and ignoring my offline life . . my analogue life. The slap in the face was when my iPhone started screen time notifications. Mine crept into the high double digits WHAAAT? I just spent how much time on my screen? I will never get that time back — time I could have spent reading, alphabetizing my Donna Summer records, or lifting heavy things. What do I remember of endless scrolling? NOT MUCH.

The real change came on May 25th, 2020 when George Floyd was killed a few miles from where I lived. Suddenly, nothing I had to say seemed relevant. A man was murdered and posting about summer activities was trivial. Time for a real break. I did dip in occasionally because I wanted to learn, to listen. If I had a story to tell, then I told it.

Goldberg’s piece resonated — I feel the polarisation, the disinformation, the haters, and nut bags. Friends have been cancelled. I’m not travelling to Luddite territory but I am careful about slogging through the sludge. There have been delightful discoveries. I’ve made online friends — I met Imen McDonnell back when Instagram was still magic. Then in “real life”, she welcomed me to farm life in Co. Limerick and it was glorious. I found Heyday! I’ll still slide down the digital rabbit hole to stalk my current literary (hey Kevin Barry!) or musical crush. Filter out the noise. Plan a trip. Buy stuff on Amazon. Maybe my daughter has another bright idea.

But, now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to put an end to my Facebook account. I’m just not ready for the meta-verse.