All I Want for Christmas is... Therapy
5 minute read
Can we talk about talk therapy? Because I’m not quite sure that we do enough. Yes, we all have those amazing friends working their way through pretty major issues with a professional, but what about looking at talk therapy as a way to tackle bad habits, less than optimum friendships or the reason you keep making passive-aggressive remarks to Dave in IT?
In a post-Oprah, pop-psychology-drenched, heal-yourself world, why is it that ‘doing the work’ with an actual trained therapist still feels taboo?
In my thirties, I went through a crushing breakup. It was a long-term relationship that involved a home and hopes and dreams and its demise shattered me. But as one does, I slowly got my life back on track. Time is a great healer, but you also have to do the work. And boy did I do the work.
I made myself go out, I took up running. I began a schedule of monthly facials, took up knitting and got a blow-dry every Friday. I planned a holiday, forced myself to meet new people and even joined a club, for goodness sake. I got lots of great support and plenty of advice, ranging from; “what’s for you won’t pass you by” to the more specific “I could have seen this coming” to my personal favourite “better off on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard”. But absolutely nobody suggested that I go to talk therapy. I didn’t think of it myself.
True that was over a decade ago when going to therapy was popularly viewed as the last resort of the deeply troubled, the dirty little secret of people deemed unable to cope without professional intervention - and us Irish are veteran copers. Even in the wake of major personal upheaval or tragedy one is generally expected to cope. Being sad or depressed or ‘stuck’ becomes tiresome after a while and can appear, well, indulgent. I mean we all have problems, don’t we? People with issues make us uncomfortable and they need to get over it. Or, failing that, simply bury it away. Don’t worry - you’ll be grand.
Except, with anxiety levels through the roof, we’re not really grand after all.
The approach most of us take is to self-soothe. Self-help is the modern woman’s go-to and people who overcome extreme adversity always seem to have found a certain strength ‘deep within’ in order to overcome their demons. We are led to believe that the remedies for all of life’s ills are out there just waiting to cure us and that if we could just choose the right combination, we might live happily ever after.
Drinking a lot of water is key, obviously. As is a skincare routine and exercise regime incorporating cardio and weights. Meditating is a game-changer, and have you heard about The Wim Hof Method? It’s transformative darling. Get lots of sleep, but make sure you rise at 5 am to maximise your day. Don’t forget those supplements - oh, and drink cacao. Cacao is (now, apparently) crucial. And what about the gurus currently guiding so many of us along our merry journey? From Glennon to Brené to Gwyneth, the list goes on in terms of genuinely helpful information and discussions we can now tap into in order to get to the heart of ourselves a little faster.
The truth is a Ted Talk, some reiki, or a detox diet are far more ‘acceptable’ ways to keep ourselves afloat when there is stuff going on. And while all of this can be extremely helpful, no amount of relaxing bubble baths are going to heal your childhood trauma.
What all of this genuine work is perhaps showing us is that we’re ready for the next step - maybe all of this self-soothing and self-improvement has in fact been laying the foundations for a generation on the cusp of diving into a culture where getting some professional talk therapy is a no-brainer. What comes with age is an awakening of sorts. You come to accept the person you are and become capable of seeing your own flaws with a new level of self-compassion and kindness. Conversations with friends, if you’re lucky, become deeper, more honest and more insightful as we learn that we are all inherently flawed and really just trying our best. With middle age also comes a curiosity to know ourselves better and to puzzle through how our past experiences might have shaped how we now are. And what is even more thrilling is the opportunity to continue to grow from that deeper sense of knowing and self-connection.
This Christmas, I’m done with the jumpsuit that will supposedly solve all my Winter wardrobe problems, I’m over the scientifically-proven face serum which guarantees ‘a new me’ and I’m going to gift myself a couple of talk therapy sessions. There’s nothing major going on - no heartache (thankfully) to report, nothing much at stake. I just want to go deeper, with myself. That growing sense of curiosity as to why I handle various situations and people and life as I do just can’t be ignored any longer. I’ve done the treatments, read the books and listened to the podcasts, so I guess I’m at the last resort?
And what a liberating place it’s proving to be.
Laurie Morrissey, December 2021
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