Buying Happiness
5 minute read
“Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness wasn’t spending it right.” It’s the kind of bumper sticker luxury car manufacturers use to sell us fancy cars or a tag line from the likes of Elon Musk while he bounces around in his rocket en route to the moon. But there must be some connection between money and happiness; surely if poverty makes us miserable then being wealthy must bring us joy. Why then, does the fancy car and the lucrative promotion not always cheer us up? It’s a little more complicated than that, it seems. There have been times when I’ve been scrimping and saving, watching pennies like they were toddlers by a pool and times when I have splurged, and I have both relished and resented both experiences.
There is a satisfaction in saving towards something and consuming less, and yet spending money brings us joy while often bringing anxiety as you grapple with unreliable bank balances, family life and spend guilt. As the daughter of two lefties, I was brought up to appreciate the ‘struggle’. My father, a dentist, was also one of the founders of the Socialist Labour Party. We were brought to CND (campaign for nuclear disarmament) rallies where we sat on his shoulders holding banners and chanting. We helped my mum wrap Christmas presents for African families as part of the anti-apartheid movement. We drove a camper van around Europe. We had visitors who came to ‘stay’ as part of my parents’ unwavering generosity and hospitality. We weren’t brought up to reject materialism but to have a healthy respect for the vagaries of it and at the same time, my father taught us to enjoy what we had. “You can’t spend it when you’re dead,” he’d say.
Spending without guilt, without embarrassment, or without hiding that receipt from your husband is liberating and yet we often feel guilty. My mum was always reticent about spending on herself – a Catholic hangover that floated over that generation, quelling the need for frivolity.
She still feels guilty when she, or we, buy her something nice. Her compulsive frugality has curbed her enjoyment to the point that she would rather be without something nice than live with the guilt of enjoying it (also called being Irish). There’s no doubt motherhood ramps up any spending issues that might be lurking on the periphery. You’re not as quick to buy that designer bag when you’ve that school camp to Paris to pay for. Add to that being self-employed where anxiety levels around spending are infinite, and you’ve got yourself a hotbed of financial stress. Without a regular paycheck you’re more aware of your limits and spending on yourself becomes a moral issue you have to battle regularly.
Of course, it doesn’t help that in the last two years we’ve been thrown into chaos and uncertainty where spending seems, well, a little vulgar. And yet, here we are craving things but thinking we can’t buy them – equally unhealthy. So how can we rediscover the joy of spending, without going bankrupt, obviously? Nobody in history ever bought anything for any reason other than how it made them feel, whether that was the experience they were seeking, being hungry or owning a luxury yacht. The question is whether we can manage our expectations within our spending habits and spend more meaningfully. Consider the example of the materialist who buys that yacht believing it’ll ‘fill that gap’ and make him happy, versus the person who enjoys the experience of a day trip on a fancy boat while spending much less. Both are enjoying the thrill of the experience, the difference is the yacht owner expects a daily dose of pleasure from owning the yacht and that’s often not how happiness works. He may stand as much a chance of happiness enjoying a day on the water with friends without the hefty price tag. I guess my point is we all love luxurious things – and take luxury to mean whatever it does to you: good food, Gucci shoes, a sports car, a nice bed, a good book. Buying things is a way to reward and express ourselves, so it’s important that we do spend something on ourselves, but that doesn’t have to involve a lot of money. It could be small spends or it could be time; anything that leads to self-improving is a win.
According to Sandra Matz, a consumer researcher at the University of Cambridge, spending can increase our happiness when we choose goods and services that fit our personalities and so meet our psychological needs.
“Spending money on products that help us express our individual selves could turn out to be as important to our wellbeing as finding the right job or even the right friends and partners,” says Matz. So that bumper sticker may have some solid foundation: money can bring us happiness depending on how we spend it. Knowing who you are and what makes you happy is the key. I’m an extrovert, I like pleasantness, I am perhaps a little neurotic, I love hanging out with family and friends and I love stylish things. Little spends on social outings, beauty treatments, things that keep me calm and lovely, stylish things definitely make me happy. I do dream of a luxury yacht (someday) that I can sail right up to my Greek villa, but then, I might want a bigger house and a bigger boat. We often overestimate how much pleasure we’ll get from having more. We adjust to our wealth, and everything it buys us. Sure, there’s the initial thrill, but we soon get used to those material things, a state of running in place economists call the ‘hedonic treadmill’. And yet we still go back for more. You don’t have to buy the luxury yacht (although, I admit, it’s a nice thought), you can step off the hedonic treadmill and enjoy the little things but I also know that sometimes the things that don’t last create the most lasting happiness.
Orla Neligan, July 2022
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