The Side-Eye on WFH

I’ve been WFH (working from home) for a decade. I can do a wee, put on a coloured wash and make a coffee between back-to-back calls. I can Zoom like a pro, share my screen as though to the manor born and flick between FaceTimes, Webexes and Hangouts like a pro.

Six months ago, I might have said that my key skills include ‘writing 1000 words a morning without being fully dressed’ or ‘master of the art of the conference call mute button’ or ‘deep expertise in the ‘interested grunt’, often deployed in tandem with the mute button and the next episode of that new Netflix series.’ Now I’m just normal. The weirdos are the ones getting dressed – masked and booted – to go into an office, not the ones wearing loungewear and making a laptop-sized space on the kitchen table between the breakfast bowls. So, as WFH veteran, here are my tips for all you come-latelys.

Clothing

Remember when you used to leave your jacket on the back of your chair so your boss wouldn’t realise that you’ve gone home? You still need the jacket but now you need to put it on. As far as those folk staring at your top quarter are now concerned, you’re not wearing a tea-stained nightdress any more.

Lighting

Make like a desperate influencer and invest in a ring light. Bathe your visage in a warm glow that takes ten years off. Failing that, don’t sit with your back to the window, you Gollum. Or point a 60-watt lamp right under your chin, you Dracula.

Stationery

You can’t steal pleasing biros and post it’s from the office cupboard any more. So invest in your own stash of lovely pens (Lamy is a must) and the right kind of paper for notes (I favour an American legal pad). It’s all legit business expenses, not just fancy paper collections for grown-ups, honest.

Breaks

I haven’t sat down for lunch for ten years, so do as I say not as I do (cheese and crackers by the fridge door whilst mindlessly scrolling through Instagram). You’ll feel better if you go for a walk, insanely superior if you do some proper exercise. That back of the chair jacket works over sweaty running gear too.

Bunk off

There’s no point in having arranged your life so that you rarely need to sniff strangers’ armpits on the commute anymore if you can’t wander off sometimes. Cinemas (remember them) are a joy in the early afternoon. Extend your wander until you’re on a full-blown five-mile march. Do all your Christmas shopping in August. Bring the cat to the vet and pick up all the things in the post office depot.

Listen to the muse

The muse says that I should rise late, sleep early and have a mid-afternoon nap. Sadly the muse doesn’t run to a nanny, cook or housekeeper so I have a lot to pack into my ideal 8-10 hours of awake time. I’m far better at working between 10 and 2pm than I am post-4pm or pre-8am. The tasks that require my full attention, therefore, get done late morning. As for the rest, it’s often a case of WTAF instead of WFH, but that’s good enough for me.

Jennifer Coyle, August 2020.