The Side-Eye on being glad to hit midlife in 2020

Chance are, your parents were younger than you are when they had you and your siblings. As for your grandparents, they were practically children when they had your parents and their many, many siblings. Whether you’re one of a neat little pair or an old-fashioned Catholic family of nine, your Mammy and Daddy were likely well shut of you by the time they were hitting forty. A long and happy retirement followed.

Nowadays, we hit midlife at the same time as peak parenting and full-on work commitments and opportunities too. It’s a three-car pile-up on the fast lane of the motorway, a shedload of spinning plates, one orange more than this juggler can keep in the air. This story is nothing new. We’re doing it all, not having it all.

Poor us.

As kids go back to school – in dribs and drabs, bubbles and pods – we can breathe a sigh of relief and turn our attention more fully back to work, the pleasures of an empty house and no-one asking for snacks. As you schedule a work video call in the happy knowledge that no one will come in screaming that they have realised they have too many fingers (true story), allow yourself a moment. Give yourself a virtual pat on the back, or even a real one if you’re now able to squeeze in ten minutes of yoga a day. We’re not out of the woods yet (hello recession, the threat of more homeschooling etc) but we’ve made it so far. And at a time when we desperately need reasons to be cheerful, that’s truly something to celebrate.

No-one will look back on the last six months with unabashed happiness. Whether or not you have lost someone, lost a job or a home, or simply found the kids plus work plus partner at home combo a total head-wrecking horrorshow, it’s been a gruelling time.

But there have been moments of happiness and calm too. Above all, the enforced slow down has given us all room for pause. Here we are. This is the situation. When you have to stay at home, when your business evaporates or other circumstances beyond your control take over, you’re really left with the bare bones of who you are and how you deal with it. Amongst the drudgery of the dishwasher and the homeschooling, we found solid ground beneath our feet and realised that just putting one foot in front of another was enough to get through another groundhog day. (That and cake, though not banana bloody bread).

Instead of envying our Boomer parents for their pensions and years of child-free life, I am grateful that I hit midlife before 2020 struck. Tackling big challenges comes easier at midlife. With two decades plus of adult life to draw on, one brings the perspective and experience to know that this too shall pass.

New career possibilities are glimmering, now that the 5-day office week seems as dated as Tokyo 2019 t-shirts. Back to school, albeit with masks on, has been enthusiastically embraced by kids who might otherwise have complained dutifully. For once, everyone was ready for the summer holidays to end. Better days will come, and at this age, we are well equipped to embrace them.

Jennifer Coyle, September 2020.