Bring Back Joy

Look, it’s all been a bit of a shit show lately, but here are some solid reasons to be cheery…

It’s Autumn now. No need to keep checking weather apps hoping for sunny days (honestly, it’s the hope that kills you!). No need either to shave or wax so diligently (or, in fact, at all).
Soup. all varieties: hugs in a bowl.
Telly. Strictly and Bake Off are coming back. Call it basic, we don’t care.
You’re getting older. It’s so much better. Honestly, it’s joyful. You know what you like and what you don’t and you can adjust accordingly. Knowing your worth is priceless, as is knowing your boundaries (and sticking to them). Use your voice. It feels great.
You know so much more now. Think about it - menopause is not mysterious anymore, people are less confusing. Work might be hard, but you know what you’re doing, mostly.
Staying in bed a while longer on a Saturday rather than jumping up to sea swim at dawn or other such active endeavours. Obviously, if you’re still doing that - kudos. Also, kids have their own ideas for scuppering lie-ins, but as they get older it’s bliss. Mine are practically teens - they disappear at weekends arriving in the kitchen to be fed from time to time. Roll with it, it’s good. Kill the over-scheduling - hibernate.
Roast everything. Like everything - cauliflower, meat, chicken, root veg. Anything. It all works. Add honey to carrots, and fresh rosemary works for most things.
There are cool things to learn online. Keep the brain cells working or else they’ll turn to mush - literally. Menopause does funny things to brains so keep the engine firing. Michelanglos’s tomb was inscribed with the words Ancora Imparo - I am still learning. Take a leaf out of his book. I’m learning floristry with Willow Crossley on Create Academy, guess why? Because it brings me joy.
Yoga exists. There’s so much online, so do yoga on YouTube. Nobody is watching. You don’t need to find a guru or learn Hindi - start it for your flexibility - the other stuff will find you. It’s called Peace. Look it up so you’ll know it when it arrives. As arrive it will. Promise.
Crumble and Custard. Apple, pear, berry. Whatever. Make the crumble crispy, the fruit oozy and the custard plentiful. Trust me.
Baked Camembert - as above - oozy and plentiful is key to joy.
Casseroles. A lot of this list is about food it seems. That wasn’t planned. So be it. A good chicken casserole or sausage and bean cassoulet invites happiness inside.
It’s nearly hot wine season. Say no more. Maybe start now.
Puffa coats. Aka duvets made clothing. Also very on-trend this season. Win-win.
Big huge polo necks. Buy as soft as your budget will allow. Jumpers to sink into. Perhaps to snooze in. Absolute joy.
Scarves - lot’s of them. Pile them high. Wear all the colours.
Parties - solo ones. Just put music on and dance your ass off. Doesn’t have to be nighttime, you don’t have to be tipsy, I danced after the school run the other day such was my joy at an empty house. I put my favourite song on repeat, closed my eyes and gave it everything. It reminded me of the Nietzche quote, “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music”. Afterwards, I felt better than I had in weeks. It shifts the energy like nothing else.
Parties - group ones. Gather a group, despite feeling out of practice, hug your friends, wear something sparkly and remember what it was like to have fun. Yes, you may be hungover for the next 3-5 business days afterwards but it will be worth it. It’s been too long, re-engage the muscle memory.
Watch sad romantic movies and CRY YOUR EYES OUT- the release is so cleansing. Choose something cheesy and let it roll.
Trust the kids are alright - well, sometimes they’re not, but you know - peaks and troughs. We’ve gotten through this far, we’ve parented through a pandemic (hello, those are words I never thought I’d type), but the thing is, the kids are resilient and we are resilient. Life always consists of ups and downs to some degree. Pandemic problems and cost of living increases aside, we are humans doing our best - flawed and fucking fabulous. If you are lucky to have not been too damaged by Covid, try to recognise it and feel lucky. Millions of people weren’t. The loss and grief have become a part of the collective experience. I’m not suggesting you ‘rise above’ in a cloud of insta-worthy toxic positivity, it’s an experience we all have compassion and empathy for, but we simply can’t stay there. We can’t make it our life. Ditto with financial worries, they are worries, not our identity - go walk in nature - get uplifted for free.

Here’s the best bit about it all - you get to choose! See this life you’re living? It’s yours. Nobody else’s. You are a sovereign being, you lead your own way. Granted, that knowledge can be both terrifying and exciting simultaneously, but it’s important to know you are driving this ship. As you see fit. It may be a bit of a shitshow from time to time, but we just get one go at this - so come on - let’s dance.

Mine’s a margarita.

Ellie Balfe, September 2022