Be Your Authentic Self

‘To be or not to be’ or ‘to thine own self be true’ is so much more than a question, dear Shakespeare. To be your own authentic self is a courageous and bold life move. One that is as fraught as it can be joyful. It is bold in the sense that it will trigger a contrarian response in others when you know who you are and live an actively authentic life.

Women are schooled in the archaic art of being the ‘good girl’, this will deter you off the authentic path faster than me not following Google maps every single time. The problem with being ‘the good girl’ is you lose the vital connection to know who, and how you are, when the school of life has told you implicitly and explicitly to think of others first.

It’s about knowing where you start and end. It’s about cultivating your own rules or boundaries for how you live your life and most importantly maintaining those boundaries and facing the uncomfortableness that is disappointing or letting others down.

As you sit in painful silence before, ‘yes, of course, I can do that’ verbally vomits out of your mouth. Knowing fully well what the other person wants you to do. But also knowing full well, that you don’t have the time or energy to do it. This is what being actively authentic means. It is knowing the truth of who you are and what you need and want and getting those needs met, by you first, my friend.

To get to this level, you need to listen and tune in to you, and this can be quite the challenge in a noisy and distraction mongering world.

I’m all about minding others, but you can’t do this with any real authenticity if you don’t do it for yourself first. It’s about honouring yourself with integrity and kindness. It’s called self-compassion, not ‘others compassion’ and it the act of owning this.

When you numb yourself out by any vice you choose, your emotions are minimised by you and others. You ignore and dismiss your own emotional cues. Empathy and connection are hollow and insincere. Instead of authenticity, it’s on a level, a surface level and the cracks will show sooner rather than later.
Authenticity is about courage because it is scary, it is risky and guess what, that is where the fun happens. If it isn’t scary you aren’t stretched. We need to continually have growing pains, if you don’t, you have stopped growing and that I swear is much scarier.

As you storm and norm through each decade it can be so liberating to recognise one of the biggest, most un-talked about aspects of age is the utter blissful joy of granting yourself permission to be yourself.
Often this is masked in ageist language like ‘oh they are eccentric’ or other words that serve only to put your freedom to do what you like back into that little small box.

I greatly admire two-year-olds, when they say ‘no’, because boy, do they mean it. There’s no overly verbose explanation ‘I’d love to, but, eh’ it’s pure and brilliant and non-negotiable.

They know what they want, they know how to get it and do it with confidence backed by self-assuredness that is nothing short of joyous. It’s time to stop being a killjoy to yourself, the time is now, there will never be a perfect time. Don’t waste your life waiting for that fallacy.

WHO ARE YOU?

I want you to jump into this with wild abandon. I did not ask ‘who do you think other people think you are?’ I want to know who you are.
This is a really hard question, one that needs time and reflection. Because who you are, took time, and all too easily the essence of you can so easily get lost, muffled, unseen and unheard. Silenced and buried under many roles and duties that can be contrived, convoluted and bound by ideas of who you think you ‘should be’.

I say ‘no’ now, like a two-year-old but, with the maturity to back up this bold statement.
Try it, it’s good for the soul.

Do you know what is great about age? Your beautiful, unbridled inner toddler begins to find their hidden voice again. Listen to what triggers you. Attune to the emotional cues that arise within you; too often suppressed and minimised with the voice within saying ‘you are over-reacting’ and suffocating the authentic you. Place your hand on your throat, when you feel the words and emotions stuck. Those unspoken words physically hurt, I can see the pain before they are released.

The woman in you, your authentic self wants and needs to be heard.

Then place your hand on your chest, what do you feel there? Women have blunted, distracted and destroyed their own inner intuition. Placating and suppressing your dynamic needs - it is time to return to the wild. My husband laughs (carefully, as he is a wise man) when he sees ‘Women Who Run With The Wolves’ by my bedside. ‘Oh, the wolfie book is out, what have I done?’
It is this return to the wild woman, to your inner self, that is authenticity.

The cultural expression of age is sexist and that needs to be held in contempt in the highest court. You know this. - men are ‘distinguished’, whilst women ‘of a certain age’ seem extinguished. What has been missing is the tender, fierce, powerful, sage voice that is only wonderful because she has chronicled up life experience.

Would I return to my twenties? Honestly not if you paid me. Why? for so many reasons. The biggest one though is, with age women reclaim something men seem to inherently have in that they are direct and honest.

It is this simple; Who are you? What do you like?

As we get to know each other, you may start noticing a theme in these thought pieces I write that may at first, seem contrarian, but just to be clear; life is messy and we have to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty more often than we might deem necessary. To be authentic, dear Shakespeare, is scary AF. The messy business of being authentic is, at its essence, about being vulnerable.

No safety net, no guarantees, but please I beg you, jump in, the water is great.